I DIDN’T BELIEVE THAT I COULD EVER STOP


I didn’t know then what I know now.
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I thought back then that I was going to die an addict. Truth is I didn’t even know I was an addict. I just thought I used too much drugs. I lied to myself constantly saying I could stop anytime I wanted to I just didn’t want to stop. The truth was revealed to me when I tried to stop and found out that I couldn’t. I realized a pattern developing where as the only way I could stop was to either get arrested or go into treatment. After several years on institution hopping I was beatin to a point of utter exhaustion. I was clueless as to what to do and was ready to end my life rather than continue living the way I was. I had hit rock bottom again, but this bottom was different.

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I felt different. I felt like a hand was pulling me up. There was a whisper at the back of my mind trying to tell me something. Then one day in a state of utter desperation it hit me. “Remember those meetings you made while you was away” That seed that was planted oh so long ago began to grow. I found a way out. I just had ti get there.

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I made it to my first meeting without the help of a parole officer in January of 2011. I was scared at first and wouldn’t share but people welcomed me and I eventually became comfortable enough to let people know who I was. I struggled with staying but I kept coming back and soon enough I was able to stay and begin the life saving process. I remember my last run and do not wish to repeat it. I take my recovery seriously today and do the work that is suggested in order to maintain my freedom from active addiction.

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Today I am willing to do whatever it takes to stay in the now and live one day at a time. I am learning how to stay in the moment and not in the past. I revisit my past and then keep it moving. I no longer stay stuck in self pity, self destruct mode because I am wallowing over some shit that was done years ago. Letting go of the past is helping me to have hope for a brighter future.

A FUTURE I NEVER DREAMED POSSIBLE.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

13 thoughts on “I DIDN’T BELIEVE THAT I COULD EVER STOP

  1. Oh my friend I am brought to tears reading this…tears of joy for you for finding the way and realising what you had to do, but more tears of pain because your words are just what I have wanted/want Karl to understand for him self…thank you for sharing, because when I read your blog I believe in hope for him and all addicts out there ( including myself) that there is another way and you are living proof. Thank you thank you thank you

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Karen and you are welcome. I am grateful, blessed and truly humbled by my experiences but even more by all the love and support that I receive from readers such as yourself. I appreciate you and I continue to pray that everything works out for you. Peace and blessings my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

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