I thought back then that I was going to die an addict. Truth is I didn’t even know I was an addict. I just thought I used too much drugs. I lied to myself constantly saying I could stop anytime I wanted to I just didn’t want to stop. The truth was revealed to me when I tried to stop and found out that I couldn’t. I realized a pattern developing where as the only way I could stop was to either get arrested or go into treatment. After several years on institution hopping I was beatin to a point of utter exhaustion. I was clueless as to what to do and was ready to end my life rather than continue living the way I was. I had hit rock bottom again, but this bottom was different.
I felt different. I felt like a hand was pulling me up. There was a whisper at the back of my mind trying to tell me something. Then one day in a state of utter desperation it hit me. “Remember those meetings you made while you was away” That seed that was planted oh so long ago began to grow. I found a way out. I just had ti get there.
I made it to my first meeting without the help of a parole officer in January of 2011. I was scared at first and wouldn’t share but people welcomed me and I eventually became comfortable enough to let people know who I was. I struggled with staying but I kept coming back and soon enough I was able to stay and begin the life saving process. I remember my last run and do not wish to repeat it. I take my recovery seriously today and do the work that is suggested in order to maintain my freedom from active addiction.
Today I am willing to do whatever it takes to stay in the now and live one day at a time. I am learning how to stay in the moment and not in the past. I revisit my past and then keep it moving. I no longer stay stuck in self pity, self destruct mode because I am wallowing over some shit that was done years ago. Letting go of the past is helping me to have hope for a brighter future.
A FUTURE I NEVER DREAMED POSSIBLE.
Peace and Blessings