THE REVOLVING DOOR

This post was originally published on November 21, 2013

FROM STRUGGLE TO STRENGTH

Good evening everyone.

I thank God for allowing me another opportunity to get back on the right track. I am back with 26 days clean.

I haven’t posted in awhile because I let my addiction tell me that this is stupid and I waste of time. That no one gives a fuck about what I post because I can’t stay clean.

After giving it some thought I realized that I don’t write my blog for others. I write this blog to document my feelings, attitudes and behaviors. To have memories when I go back and read it. These are my memoirs. This is MY journal about MY journey. This blog is not for entertainment purposes or for anyone’s amusement.

With that out the way

Today November 20th 2013 was a day of mixed emotions. I always start my day thanking God for waking me. Since coming back I have been developing…

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WHAT GOES UP. MUST IT REALLY COME DOWN?

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I have always looked at life as my glass is half empty. Whatever could go wrong most definitely will go wrong. What goes up must come down. If things are going good in my life eventually things will turn bad. It’s only a matter of time.

My negative outlook on life has resulted in a lot of negative results…

GO FIGURE.

I never knew that you get out of life what you put into it. I never learned how to think positive about a situation even when it’s a bad situation. I always thought that I just had bad luck, that I was destined to live a horrible life and that’s just how it was. I sure as hell didn’t know that I was the cause of all my problems and if I did know it I didn’t believe it. It was easier for me to blame others, to blame God, to blame karma or my environment. It was always easier to blame anyone but myself. I could not take responsibility for my life because I never learned how. I suffered from such low self esteem as a child that I just gave up on myself before I even got started. I didn’t learn how to deal with my emotions properly I covered up any uncomfortable feelings and used mind and mood altering substances to escape. I learned at a early age how to run from my problems instead of facing them. How to cover them up and how to avoid them at all cost.

SO I RAN, AND I KEPT RUNNING FOR YEARS.

I have had to learn how to not always look at the negative side of things. I have learned that I have to talk about what I am going through and not run from the uncomfortable feelings that life throws at me on a daily basis. I will not sit here and tell you that it is easy because IT IS NOT. But today I have a willingness, I have a desire to grow, to move on past the hurts and the pain that has kept me locked in a self made prison for so many years, and to learn who I am. I have learned to be open minded to things that I would never have been willing to do in the past. I am learning to stop listening to those negative voices in my head that keep telling me I am nothing, that I cannot do this or that and that I am a failure and always will be.

THOSE ARE ALL LIES.

The problem and the solution lies within myself. I am what I tell myself I am and what I believe I am

THE TRUTH IS I AM SOMEBODY, I CAN DO ANYTHING I PUT MY MIND TO AND I AM NOT A FAILURE.

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Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease