I have recently reconnected with a power that is greater than myself. I have lived off of my own self will for so long that I lost touch with anything and everything good. For a lot of years I blamed God for my situations and for the out come of my life.
Growing up my mother went to church on occasion and she made us go to church and Sunday school. I remember that I didn’t like it and I also remember having a resentment at a early age as a result. I could never wrap my head around the stories in the bible mainly because I couldn’t understand what I was reading. I used to pray but that was only after I was already suffering from my addiction. Some call that foxhole prayers. I call them cries for help in utter desperation.
Needless to say I stopped because I thought they weren’t being answered. Today I realize that they actually were being answered, I was just too closed minded and self absorbed to accept the help when it was being offered. That help was the answer to those prayers. I had no clue of that at the time. I had no clue that God works through people. I know for a fact today that there was a devine intervention that brought me to the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous and saved my life in the process.
I am not a religious person. I rarely read the bible, I do not attend church services and claim no specific religion. I am a believer in a power that is not of my own that I gain a strength from. That has led me to recovery and keeps me here. I believe that I have been blessed and my life has been spared. I pray for guidance and I have received the gift of becoming more responsible, respectable, loving and caring.
I know that it is not a result of my own doing. Something has changed and I have been able to become more open minded towards things that I cannot explain. No matter how I slice it, dice it or dress it up. There is a Higher Power at work in my life and I am forever grateful.
My spirit is awakening.
I am finding purpose today.
Peace and Blessings