To all my haters. Na na na na na na.
I used to think that I would spend the rest of my life not only using but also alone. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stay clean. I used to think that If I had someone special in my life that I would be able to stop using and I would live happily ever after. Lol Sounds corny and crazy now when I think about it. But I was sure that I could do it back then. So of course I tried it and each relationship eventually ended with me returning to using and destroying the relationship.
So I came to believe that I was destined to be alone. That I couldn’t stay clean for myself or for someone that I loved. I didn’t know then what I know now. I hadn’t realized that my addiction not only wanted to ruin my life but it also loves to ruin the lives of EVERYONE AROUND ME and with my help it was successful several times. I’ve learned the hard way that I had to want to stop for myself. That I couldn’t get and stay clean for anyone else. That no one or nothing could get me clean if I didn’t want it for myself.
Today I am happy. I do not use no matter what. I’ve had my share of failed relationships in active addiction but I have also had failed in a relationship clean. I cannot and will not take full responsibility for the failure either. But thats not the point. The point is that I am happy today. I am willing to try again. I have not been depressed or self loathing. I have not allowed the inner voices to tell me…See you cant even do it right clean..So what’s the use. Noooo
You will not have me to believe that bullshit. I know that I deserve to be happy and I am in the pursuit of my happiness.
Staying clean is wonderful and Life is getting so much better. I like where I am going today and the people in my life.
God has sent me an angel. We met during a Hurricane.
Peace and Blessings