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STRUGGLING NOT TO COMPARE


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I have been practicing having empathy for others. I try to put myself in their shoes and understand what they are going through. But I am struggling in certain areas when it comes to being completely able to feel their pain.

Sometimes I find myself thinking are they fucking serious. Get over that bullshit. My God that’s whats bothering you. Sometimes I compare what I have had to endure to what others are going through and I get judgemental. I find that I brush off some of the things people go through because in my mind its small potatoes. I don’t think of it as being all that serious.

In my active addiction I have been void of any feelings for a long time. For me there was only 2 ways to deal with things I learned to stuff my feelings or explode. I never knew a healthy way to express my frustration or my happiness. All I ever knew was fuck you and your feelings. I damn sure didn’t want to hear about your problems, I had enough of my own. I learned not to show emotions because it made you look weak. So I became cold, distant and detached. Isolation became my way of life and I thought I was happy being alone.

I have come to realize that I do not like being alone, I do not like acting like I don’t care about others, I do not like stuffing my feelings or exploding because I stuff my feelings. I don’t like to be so cold. I like to be there for others and having them be there for me.

But sometimes I wonder if I am really built for caring about others. I know that’s my disease trying ONCE AGAIN to disqualify me. To make me think that I am not capable of caring and that I don’t  really care. I am so grateful that I can recognize the symptoms today.

I NEED TO CONTINUE TO PRACTICE IDENTIFYING AND NOT COMPARE.

I AM A GRATEFUL WORK IN  PROGRESS.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

15 thoughts on “STRUGGLING NOT TO COMPARE”

  1. Pingback: REPOST FEBRUARY 13, 2015 – FROM STRUGGLE TO STRENGTH

  2. I think you are confusing empathy with compassion. With empathy, we listen and go down and feel the pain of the person who is sharing with us. Sometimes this is what they need, but more often than not, it does not help them and sucks the life out of us. Instead of one person feeling bad, it’s two and then no one gets better. More beneficial is compassion…you lend an ear, and then offer ways that may help them. I found that I became the one everyone went to with their problems. Someone advised me to tell people that they can bitch to me for 5 minutes, then we were done. After that we could come up with some solutions. A lot people get into a bad habit of complaining.,.. you don’t have any obligation to endure their negativity.

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    • I truly thank you for your comment but I hardly think that I am confusing empathy with compassion. I understand very well the difference between the two. I can feel the pain of others because I have been where they are. I know the struggles and the last thing I would want is sympathy or fakeness when I am sharing with someone. Or someone lending an ear and then trying to tell me what to do when they themselves have never walked this path.

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  5. Eric,
    You demonstrate beautiful empathy for others, and very little pride exuded from yourself in a negative way; I am always inspired by your kindness and thoughtfulness, and your perseverance, also. KEEP SHINING, Sweetie.
    There’s no need to remain cold any more. 🙂

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