images (3)

I woke up this morning and as usual thanked God for allowing me to see another day. I said my usual prayer for all those who are still sick and suffering and for those who maybe going through something that they think they cannot get through. I had a cup of coffee (which I usually don’t drink) and then I went to check on my social media to say my good mornings to all my online friends and also those whom I know personally. As I was going through my notifications I began to realize something, I have a lot of people in my life today. I have a lot of people in my life that care about me today. I made a lot of new friends and acquaintances this past year and a half. I also notice that some of the people who where there in the beginning are no longer there. I know that some people are in my life for a reason and then there are those who are only here for a season. God bless them, I wish them well.

For those who are here now

I want to take this time to thank each and every one of you for your support, encouragement, kind words and even harsh words when I am being hard headed and self willed. I appreciate you more than mere words could ever describe. I have been blessed in one way or another by your presence in my life. I know the importance of having friends today. I know that I cannot do this alone today, I know that self sufficiency is a lie and that I need people in my life today. Real people who give me real support. Not fake ass friends that smile in my face and try to sabotage me behind my back. REAL PEOPLE, DO REAL THINGS! I am grateful for those that are REAL. I am also grateful for those that are not because it is a constant reminder of who I used to be, how far I have come and who I do not ever wish to be again.


Lately I have been in a funk to say the least. I have not been wanting to be bothered with anyone or anything. I am thankful that today I can recognize change in my behaviors and take the corrective measures to do something about it instead of procrastinating and when disaster strikes wondering what the hell happened and how did I wind up back here. I have been taking my inventory lately and no matter what happens today in my life nothing is worth me using. I know this. I have purpose today. I have friends who check me when I am not on my usual visual presence online or in meetings.

For a lot of years, no I keep it real. For DECADES I have avoided people as much as possible. I thought I was doing the world a favor by removing myself and Isolating but I was only harming myself. I am so glad that I am coming out of that shell. That fear of people that I developed is slowly fading away and I am learning all over again how to be a friend, how to care about others and to be there for others and for myself. I am worthy, I am useful, I am trustworthy, compassionate, willing, honest (most of the time), I am able to recognize good in me today. That is a far cry from who I was less that 2 years ago. It has been a long hard battle and it is far from over, it is only just begun but I know it gets better and better each day as long as I do not use, Use meaning drugs, people, places, things, situations, opportunities, disadvantages or anything. I need to stay in position and continue to grow, continue to feel good about myself and where I am at…