SELFISH TO BECOME SELFLESS


image

I am noticing that I am again becoming selfish in my recovery. In the beginning I came into recovery selfish, self centered and self indulging. I didn’t care about you or anyone else. What you did, what you talked about or even what you looked like. I couldn’t think past me. Although I am not resorting back to that kind of selfishness, I am putting the focus back on me.

As time went by I began to lose the obsession with self and began to be able to communicate with and relate to others. I developed a conscience and began to have empathy. I was finally able to think about someone other than myself. For me that was a beginning of something totally new and definitely different. It was difficult but the more I showed up the more the Ice began to melt and the wall began to come down.

Today I have a genuine concern for others and I try to be there for people. I try to be someone that others can depend on. I feel that I have found my purpose and I practice exercising it to the best of my ability. Sometimes I get the feeling that people don’t really care about me though. I feel like I am being used by some and taken advantage of by others.

It can be difficult some times to tell whether my feelings are valid or just a figment of my addictive mind. If it’s my disease trying to find a new way to penetrate my defenses. Either way thats is how I have been feeling. I will continue to monitor those feelings and not allow my disease to disrupt my process.

I also feel that I have been spreading myself a little thin. Although I know that I cannot keep it unless I give it away. I know that I cannot give it all away before I recharge myself. So I will become a little selfish and keep some for myself so I can grow and become the selfless person that I am striving to become. That does not mean that I am going to stop helping others. NO WAY. I am just looking to find a balance so I can continue to help others while I also help myself.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

6 thoughts on “SELFISH TO BECOME SELFLESS

  1. You have to look after yourself, I learnt the hard way that giving everything emotionally mentally and physically to another is not only wrong but you do loose yourself. I know you have focus, I know that you now care for others and that is good and positive, but with your work, groups, blogging and everything else that you do, dont loose sight of your own needs to. That is not being selfish my friend that is caring for your self!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Hey Eric. I believe the way you are going now is becoming stronger, as well as maturing. My thought, as well as having some experience in that area, is if you give all your energy, a great deal of time, along with emotions and psych to helping others, you get drained and dry up. When that happens, you are hurting yourself, pulling yourself down, and really not available to help anyone,
    We need to care for ourselves in order to care for others.
    Some will attempt to take advantage, and monopolize you, but wisdom and discernment on your part will show you who is doing what, and you will be able to make changes.
    God’s Blessings my friend, as you strengthen yourself and help others.

    Like

    • Thank you George. I will take time to make sure I do not drain all my energy helping others is my passion but I cannot help anyone if I am not helping myself. Peace and blessings.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s