SELFISH TO BECOME SELFLESS

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I am noticing that I am again becoming selfish in my recovery. In the beginning I came into recovery selfish, self centered and self indulging. I didn’t care about you or anyone else. What you did, what you talked about or even what you looked like. I couldn’t think past me. Although I am not resorting back to that kind of selfishness, I am putting the focus back on me.

As time went by I began to lose the obsession with self and began to be able to communicate with and relate to others. I developed a conscience and began to have empathy. I was finally able to think about someone other than myself. For me that was a beginning of something totally new and definitely different. It was difficult but the more I showed up the more the Ice began to melt and the wall began to come down.

Today I have a genuine concern for others and I try to be there for people. I try to be someone that others can depend on. I feel that I have found my purpose and I practice exercising it to the best of my ability. Sometimes I get the feeling that people don’t really care about me though. I feel like I am being used by some and taken advantage of by others.

It can be difficult some times to tell whether my feelings are valid or just a figment of my addictive mind. If it’s my disease trying to find a new way to penetrate my defenses. Either way thats is how I have been feeling. I will continue to monitor those feelings and not allow my disease to disrupt my process.

I also feel that I have been spreading myself a little thin. Although I know that I cannot keep it unless I give it away. I know that I cannot give it all away before I recharge myself. So I will become a little selfish and keep some for myself so I can grow and become the selfless person that I am striving to become. That does not mean that I am going to stop helping others. NO WAY. I am just looking to find a balance so I can continue to help others while I also help myself.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

THAT STRANGE CALMNESS

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Hello everyone

I hope that while I am writing this you all are well. I have been very busy this week and have not had time to really do much of anything other than work. I have not made a meeting since Sunday but I have been reading my literature and in contact with my network all week. Even though I had Tuesday off because of snow, I am really tired and will be glad when this week is over. Due to people who had family issues and then the storm we are short staffed and some of us that are able are making up the difference. I have been working some very long hours. I will say this though I am not doing it because I am running from my feelings or anything else. I am actually doing it because I can, and I can use the money. It’s a win win.

I haven’t really had the chance to write anything lately due to the long hours at work but strangely enough I have been so calm lately that I am suffering from a sort of writers block. I have not been able to really think of anything to say. The last couple of weeks have been really good and have charged my battery so to speak. I am in a good space and other than being a little tired from work I am great. All is going well at home and on the job. I am not stressed out or overwhelmed. I feel healthy and happy. I love my job and my life right now. I have to admit that this calmness is a bit strange compared to what I have lived for so long but It is a good strange. I don’t know if you can relate to that. It’s kind of hard to explain.

I know that this too shall pass and I will be right back to writing again as soon as this week is over. I miss you all and look forward to catching up on your blogs and whats been going on.

Today is Throwback Thursday so I will post some of my earlier blogs from 2011 or 2012. I hope you enjoy reading them.

Have a wonderful day.

Peace and blessings

Eric Ease