Addiction comes in many forms. Now that I am clean. I still suffer from many other addictions. Some healthy, some are not. What are you addicted to?
I remember when I first came into recovery. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had a problem but I didn’t believe myself to be an addict. I always looked at an addict as being the homeless bum who shot drugs and drank wine and smelled horrible. Growing up in East New York Brooklyn I saw them everyday all day. I would avoid them at all costs. Who knew that years later I would be friends with a lot of those same people.
I didn’t believe that I would turn into one of “those people” as we sometimes refered to the addicts in my neighborhood. I never knew exactly what I wanted to be growing up. I was never asked that question and never really gave it much thought. But had I been asked I doubt I would’ve said I want to be an addict. The crazy thing is I was already an addict.
I think my first addiction was to lying and stealing. I didn’t like who I was so I lied and created a better version of me. I didn’t like being poor so I stole what I wanted. If you had it and I wanted it. It would mysteriously disappear. Using came at the early age of 11 and that eventually became a new addition to my addictive behaviors.
Throughout the years many addictions to many different things surfaced and were replaced by new addictions. Drop one and pick up another. Always trying to satisfy my need for instant gratification and to fill one void or another. Never quite finding the satisfaction I was seeking.
I understand addiction a little better today and I can see the many different types of addictions that surface in my life. Especially now that the drugs are no longer a factor. I am addicted to anything that makes me feel good. It really doesn’t matter what it is. If I like it, I will began the obsessive and compulsive behaviors. I will overdue, overindulge, overcompensate and overextend and over until I am overwhelmed.
The main difference is today I know. I work on my issues and recognize them. I have people who help me and I can talk to about it.
Therefore I will Overcome.
Peace and Blessings