I am grateful for the opportunity to get to know myself on a deeper level. To uncover some of the deeper, darker secrets that have been buried, dug up, and buried again over and over but never brought to any closure. To expose my negative and my positive as well. I must not forget that the purpose of an inventory is not to expose how bad of a person I was.
This is my first searching and fearless inventory. When you hear some people share about it, it sounds like a painful experience and something that might cause more pain, misery and suffering. Like I am going to expose all of these things I did and bring back all of that pain that I not only caused myself but others too. If I allow myself to think of it that way I am sure to either not do as thorough of a job and go over it with a minimum of concern or I might try to prolong doing it or skip it all together.
I have found that sometimes it’s best not to listen to some people. Listening to the masses can sometimes be more harmful than good. I doubt its intentionally done. Perhaps theirs was harder on them. Afterall some of us ARE SICKER THAN OTHERS. That is why it is very important for me to work with my sponsor or in my case a more experienced member. It is suggested that I go over my steps with my sponsor in order and its for a very good reason. I am advised not to do it alone. Support is very important in all areas of recovery and doing stepwork is no exception.
I am listing BOTH POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE’S in my inventory because I have both. I no longer think of myself as a failure and not worthy. I no longer think of myself as just a negative no good person. I have a lot of positive traits and I am sure with help I will uncover more. Some that I didn’t even know I had. The therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel.
I could go on but I don’t like long blog post. So I will keep you posted on my progress in futher posts.
Peace and Blessings