SEARCHING AND FEARLESS

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I am grateful for the opportunity to get to know myself on a deeper level. To uncover some of the deeper, darker secrets that have been buried, dug up, and buried again over and over but never brought to any closure. To expose my negative and my positive as well. I must not forget that the purpose of an inventory is not to expose how bad of a person I was.

This is my first searching and fearless inventory. When you hear some people share about it, it sounds like a painful experience and something that might cause more pain, misery and suffering. Like I am going to expose all of these things I did and bring back all of that pain that I not only caused myself but others too. If I allow myself to think of it that way I am sure to either not do as thorough of a job and go over it with a minimum of concern or I might try to prolong doing it or skip it all together.

I have found that sometimes it’s best not to listen to some people. Listening to the masses can sometimes be more harmful than good. I doubt its intentionally done. Perhaps theirs was harder on them. Afterall some of us ARE SICKER THAN OTHERS. That is why it is very important for me to work with my sponsor or in my case a more experienced member. It is suggested that I go over my steps with my sponsor in order and its for a very good reason. I am advised not to do it alone. Support is very important in all areas of recovery and doing stepwork is no exception.

I am listing BOTH POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE’S in my inventory because I have both. I no longer think of myself as a failure and not worthy. I no longer think of myself as just a negative no good person. I have a lot of positive traits and I am sure with help I will uncover more. Some that I didn’t even know I had. The therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel.

I could go on but I don’t like long blog post. So I will keep you posted on my progress in futher posts.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

NEVER GIVE UP

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Good morning. Its a rainy, cold and dreary day here in New York City.

Today I just want to say to anyone who is going through something. Anything it doesn’t matter what it is. NEVER GIVE UP. Things might seem dark right now. You might feel like there’s no way out or that this will never end. Trust and believe that it will.

I remember on so many occasions having those feelings. Thinking that what I was going through was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I remember thinking there was no way out and so I gave up. I allowed my negative thoughts to dictate my actions. I wallowed in self pity and the end results were more pain, more misery, more suffering and many, many more problems.

In my addiction I wasn’t  open to the help that was available to me. I thought that I could do it on my own. THAT I  COULD FIX ME. I found out that I couldn’t and If I was ever going to get better that I needed to seek some help. Even after coming into recovery I still struggled. When I was faced with adversity I GAVE UP. I RAN AWAY. I didn’t believe that I could ever be helped, that I didn’t  deserve the help and that the people that were trying to help wanted something in return. All of which WAS NOT TRUE.

Today I know different,  I know because although I kept running away, I kept coming back. I began to believe that I can change and that people can help. I stopped giving up. I stopped running and began to learn how to feel,  deal and heal. I found out that my thinking was mixed up and I had to learn to trust the people that were and are doing this. It’s working, all I had to do was try and NOT GIVE UP.

So if you are feeling like I did. If you have those voices that keep telling you that you cannot get through this. Don’t believe that. Don’t give up. Don’t stop trying. Don’t quit. The Miracle Is You and you can get through.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS
GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease