I have been trying to post something now for this the 2nd day and I am coming up blank. Lol. So I will just ramble.

I feel numb. I am in a state of calmness and there is just nothing going on with me at this moment and time. It feels kind of strange to actually have nothing going on. Actually it makes me a little nervous because now I am anticipating something to go wrong. My mind works like that.

If things are going good “something is going to happen”,

If things are going bad “I told you so”.

That has been my story for as long as I can remember. My mind is one big ball of Murphy’s Law..

If anything can go wrong, it will.

  • If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
    Extreme version: 1
    If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the FIRST to go wrong.
    Extreme version: 2
  • If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway
  • If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.

So I wait.

Nobody said Life on Life’s Terms would be easy.

On a brighter note. I do not waste away my days waiting for doom and destruction. Thoughts of impending doom only pop in my head once in awhile. Usually when I have nothing to do or there is nothing going on. I’m sure you have heard that

An idle mind is the devils playground.

That is why it is very important for me to stay connected to the fellowship and my friends in recovery. I can’t stress it enough. I have learned this very important lesson the hard way and I do not wish to go back out and experiment again. I have been burned enough times to know that fire is hot. Dry ice burns too and there are other ways to get burned that have nothing to do with what I am talking about here so I wont mention STD’s

Being a test dummy is not as much fun as it looks on those TV commercials.


  1. This is abeautiful blog, and you are a beautiful person. I am sure your honest and open sharing must help people in a similar situation to you, and likewise, you must have found others in the blogging community to support you. I hope that my daughter will soon be in the right headspace for me to show her this blog. Maybe it could help her.
    Thank you. I realise that this is a tool for your recovery, but it is so much more than that.
    May you find the peace that you seek x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I read this book ‘Addictive personality’ by Craig Nakken – which actually is a VERY GOOD book, it is not a fancy book but I recognised every sentence as a truth, as if it was written about my life in stead of being a general book on addiction. Anyhow, that book said the this feeling of ‘waiting for bad things to happen’ is connected to the state of mind of people that are or have been addicted. I was happy to know that because it is an uncomfortable feeling and I thought I was doing something ‘wrong’. It’s just there, for me it is therapy stuff to work out where it comes from so specifically really at the beginning I left it for what it was. But just by knowing ‘hey, this is what happens’ it made it more bearable. Hope it helps. Have an nice evening! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I remember those days of just waiting for something to go wrong. I think it took a couple of years before I could fully embrace the peace, quite, calm and non-chaotic life I used to live. Something would happen and people would tell be “life happens” deal with it just don’t use over it. Sounded easy enough but when I first started hitting the rooms that was far from easy. Using was my coping skill for everything that happen good or bad. Then once I stayed put the calm life was really uncomfortable. Not anymore – I love it. I don’t think “this is the calm before the storm” anymore. Storms do come though and that is just life. The longer I stay the easier it is to live life on lifes terms. Stay Blessed my friend.

    Liked by 2 people

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