My roots a getting deeper in recovery.

I remember when I first came into recovery. I was a lost, broken, scared person and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be there. I knew that I needed to get some help and I didn’t want to keep living like I was living. I remember listening to others share their experiences and thinking that I didn’t belong here. I thought I wasn’t as bad off as them. I didn’t do those things.

The truth is I WAS THEM. I did those things and then some, but I was in such deep denial that I wasn’t ready to be so brutally honest with myself and definitely not with others. That denial led me to believe that I could go back out there and succeed at using again. I could control my using. That I could do it differently.

Well needless to say THAT WAS A LIE.

After some suffering and going in and out of recovery. I finally came to believe that I was powerless over my addiction and my life was unmanageable. I asked for strength and courage from my higher power which I came to believe in. I was able through my HP to make a decision to surrender to a different way of life. I began to take suggestions and make meetings everyday.

I got a home group and began to make friends. I was still scared and that fear has kept me from reaching out to people at times. I have gotten a little better at it, but I still to this day suffer from the fear of meeting new people. I am insecure when it comes to putting myself out there. Introduction is scary for me but also carrying on a regular conversation. I feel at times that I stumble over my words and that has kept me from being as outgoing as I would like to be.

Even though I feel this way I have made a lot of new friends. I have a large network of people in recovery that I know personally, and then I have a large network of friends that I have never met, but we interact daily online. All of these people are very important to me.  I receive the help that I need daily to maintain and its a wonderful feeling.

I’ve come a long way from my days of denial and trying to disqualify myself from this process. I also know that I have a long way to go. I am grateful for the willingness that I have. I am grateful that I was made to feel so welcomed by others. I’m grateful that my roots are set, and setting deeper in this life saving process. I will continue to grow and overcome my fears and those obstacles that hold me back.


Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

11 thoughts on “ROOTS

  1. I have a similar personality in that i feel insecure around people. I live my life as a recluse only seeing my kids. When i am bored i turn to crack and i am fed up of the cycle. I have recently joined lifeline and my first appt is on Friday so i hope to get help. Your posts help me to see what can be done, thankyou

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re welcome and thank you for your honesty. I know the feeling, I had got fed up with the cycle too. It took a couple of tries but eventually I was able to stay clean. I stick and stay because I would be dead without it. Congratulations on taking the first step joining lifeline. Thank you for your support and kind words about my blog. I appreciate it. I will keep you in my prayers. Peace and blessings.


  2. Oh man i am exactly like that when it comes to meeting new people and stumbling over words. It sucks too because i can sound really dumb when talking to a stranger but I am intellectual even if I spelled it wrong. Great work letting go of the controls my friend. Keep it up! We now see that sober is the only way to live.

    Liked by 2 people

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