This post is from back in October of 2012 after a relapse. I look back now and am grateful for my struggles because they have made me so much stronger.


October 16, 2012

Hello and God Bless You.

I guess by now you know that I’ve done it again. For the umpteenth time I went and took my will back and made a decision to go out and use. I say a decision because that’s exactly what it was. Nobody forced me to do it. I wasn’t kidnapped and told use this or die. I wasn’t forced to cop drugs, by a new stem and lighter or light up. I made a decision and of course once again it has proved to be the wrong decision.

I have a serious problem that I still have not fully come to grips with or understand. It’s not like I don’t already know the consequences. It’s not like I don’t already know my life will either slowly or quickly spin outta control and become not only unmanageable but unbearable. It’s not like I…

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This is a post from 2011. I like to go back and read my old posts. I just thought I would share it with you. I hope you enjoy it.



Just for today: I accept that my feelings of depression wont last forever. I will talk openly about my feelings with my sponsor or another person who understands.
We are no longer fighting fear, anger, guilt, self-pity, or depression.

Basic Text, p. 27

Hello and God Bless You.

Today I ask myself what is my purpose in life. Honestly I couldn’t even answer that question. I know what my purpose used to be. In the past my only purpose was to survive and use day to day. Today using is not in the equation but I am struggling to find my true purpose. There is a lot of confusion when I think about this because I never actually cared about it. Now that I have a little clean time I wonder about things. All sorts of things. Sometimes my mind wanders over so many things its like…

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