THAT LONELY FEELING OF FEELING LONELY


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HAVE YOU EVER FELT LONELY EVEN IN A CROWDED ROOM.

Do you have plenty of friends but yet still feel like you don’t fit in? Do you feel like an outsider in your own home? Have you ever felt like when you speak no one hears you, but you know you said something because you heard your own voice? Do you sometimes talk to yourself because at least you know then that someone is listening? Do you feel like you are the only one who feels like this? Do you ever feel like no one would understand if you told them you felt this way.

I have and I do.

I have experienced the feelings of loneliness described above on many occasions. I can tell you this with no hesitation because it has happened to me and it is real for me. I have been there and done that and actually even thought at one point that I wasn’t worthy of having any friends. That I am so insignificant that people don’t pay me any mind. Like I’m just a bump in the road or a piece of gum on the ground. Like an illusion, not real, just a damn dream. I know that feeling.

When I was using I isolated. I was totally happy alone and would rather be alone than be around other people. I was ok with it or so I told myself. I was so paranoid that I didn’t want people around me because 1.I didn’t trust them and 2. They made too much noise. I liked it nice and quiet when I used. The truth is that I was so far gone that I was embarrassed to be around people when I used. So the best thing was for me to be alone. They didn’t need to know how powerless and unmanageable I was. Truth also is that I used to cry because I felt so ashamed, alone and guilty.

I can identify with those feelings and I can honestly say that sometimes even now I still go through those feelings. I have a bunch of new friends in recovery and sometimes I feel lonely. But all I have to do is reach out to someone. There is no need for me to feel like that but that doesn’t stop the feelings from showing up. You know what else, feelings are not facts. I might feel lonely but I know that I am not alone. Today I have people in my life that truly care about me. They call me when they do not hear from me and text me all day long. I know they are there without a doubt. Just because I feel lonely doesn’t make it true. It’s only a feeling and it will pass. Like goosebumps and gas.

Peace and blessings.

Eric Ease

6 thoughts on “THAT LONELY FEELING OF FEELING LONELY

  1. I know you say, they are just feelings and will pass. But I’m so depressed I can’t take it. I too want be alone all the time so bad. I feel aweful. My fiancé doesn’t want me around. He says I’m miserable all the time. I don’t think I can stand it anymore.

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    • You have to find things to do that will occupy your time. Positive things that you can do not only to help you get out of your head but to help you get past your feelings. Blogging and posting in recovery groups on facebook helps me. I also do service. Help someone else and in turn you help yourself. What ever you are going through will pass but you have to do something to get out of your own way. I am praying for you.

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  2. Oh how I remember those days of just wanting to be alone for the same reasons you mentioned. I didn’t trust people and people made noise…. I also didn’t want my family near me. I was filled with shame & guilt. Thank God today we are in recovery. I less than a month away from 4 yrs. Wow – hard to believe that I “couldn’t live without it”. Such lies our addictions tell us. Grateful today and always grateful when I take the time to read your blogs Eric. Thank you

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    • I love it when someone replies with identification of what I write. Thank you Vicky for your never ending support. Congratulations on coming up on 4 years thats the hope. Yes it’s hard to believe that at one point I thought that I could never stop using and here WE are today filled with gratitude and hope, free from that bondage. It’s truly a blessing.

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    • You’re welcome Dale. Yes if we just sit still for a little bit our ill feelings will pass. It took me some time to be able to do that being that sometimes I still have trouble sitting still, but I get better at it as time goes by. Thanks for your comment and your support.

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