I have this written on a piece of paper taped to my bathroom mirror.
Yes it is true. I am not my past. I keep up front where I came from and I remind myself of the horrors of active addiction daily.
I DO NOT LIVE THERE ANYMORE .
Now if I said it was a easy task..I would be lying. It can be a like climbing a mountain with no gear some days and other days it’s easy breezy. I think one of the most important lessons I have learned is One Day At A Time. Sometimes it’s One Minute and then again sometimes it’s One Second. One thing is for sure
I DO NOT USE..NO MATTER WHAT.
For me to come into recovery and think that It will be easy. That It’s all roses and potpourri would be a mistake of major proportions. The promise of freedom from active addiction has some requirements. There’s some work that needs to be done in order for me to continue to move forward and not stay stuck living in the past.
But one thing for sure and two things for certain. Recovery Works. There is Hope after Dope and you CAN get your life back After Crack. The main objective for me is to change my attitude and behavior from the way it was in my past and learn a new way to live.
MY PAST IS A NECESSARY PLACE TO VISIT, BUT I NO LONGER LIVE THERE.
Peace and Blessings
IT’S SO COLD OUTSIDE
I ACTUALLY SAW ELSA, ANNA AND OLAF FROM DISNEY’S FROZEN OUTSIDE SINGING.
OMG. 8 DEGREES.
I am so not used to the cold weather. I have lived in NYC all my life and every year I go through the same thing. I complain when its too hot and I complain when it’s too cold. Lol.
Anyway I have to be thankful that I am able to feel the weather and notice change today. I am grateful for warm clothes, a roof over my head, food and heat and hot water. I remember all too well the days when I did not have anything. When I was living in a abandon bldg with no running water. Wearing the same clothes for weeks, Hell let’s keep it real for MONTHS. I remember being outside in weather like this trying to find the next hit, or trying to scrape up enough money to buy another one. I remember freezing my ass off but it didn’t matter because I hadn’t scored my drugs yet so I remained where I was at, hoping someone would give me something or spare me some change. I remember going to the soup kitchens so I could have a hot meal. I remember sleeping on the train or on rooftops. I REMEMBER.
I woke up this morning with a new found sense of gratitude. Not just for where I am today but also for where I am not today. I have been blessed and shown much mercy and grace. I was brought back to life from a near death experience that unfortunately still so many people are suffering from. I have been spared and I am determined not to allow that to EVER happen to me again. I will not sleep the fact that I have a disease that would rather have me dead or at least still living that life. I will not forget that my disease wishes I was out there right now freezing and suffering. I will not forget because those who forget are doomed to repeat. And trust me that is not just a slogan, THAT IS THE TRUTH. I HAVE EXPERIENCED IT FIRST HAND. You can and will be refunded all of your pain, misery and suffering.
SO I REMEMBER. AND I ALSO LET YOU REMEMBER.
This is not a game, I am not in this for a little while…You know until I get a apartment or some other materialistic want. I am in this because my life depends on it. I would be, and will be dead without it.
I am praying for ALL THOSE who are without today and everyday. I pray that you find a warm safe place to be at and that your life gets better in this new year. Stay strong. It does get better, there is a way out, Keep the faith.