THE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER

I’ve heard it said that feelings aren’t facts.

But it’s a fact that I feel. I sometimes don’t know how I feel. At other times I know exactly how I feel. Today is one of those days when I don’t know what I’m feeling. I am suffering from loneliness one minute and the next who knows. If I had to put a name to some of the feelings I would say Sad, Happy, Tired, Depressed, Worthless, Useless, Bored and Content.

Judging by the list I just described I guess I do know what I am feeling. I just can’t sometimes figure out why. Why do I feel lonely. I have a bunch of new friends in recovery. Yes but how many of them do I actually interact with outside of meetings. Why am I sad. Probably because I am struggling to get past thise feelings of not being worthy of others friendship. I get feelings of happiness when I look at how far I have come and that I have a job, a roof over my head and food to eat. I remember the days when I didn’t. I’ve been feeling really tired lately and just plain lazy. I need to exercise or something. I’ve been going out but I really just want to lounge around and do nothing.

Which then makes me depressed because time is moving so fast and I start to feel like I should be further along than I am and like I am not making enough progress. Which by the way I know is NOT true. I have made tremendous progress. I then began to feel content with my living situation and who I am and where I am, compared to where I would be had it not been for recovery.

So thats where I am at today. I’ve been in my head and I know I shouldn’t be. Don’t misunderstand, I have no thoughts of using drugs. NONE WHAT SO EVER. But the obsession and compulsion shows up in many different ways in different areas of my life. The emotional roller coaster can wreak havoc when it is not checked.

The disease of addiction is tricky to say the least. Vigilance and awareness are major keys to my recovery and acceptance of my disease, of who I am and where I want to go in life help me to continue to move in a forward direction. I am human and I will feel but that doesn’t mean I have to act off those feelings. I have learned that

THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

NEW YEAR NEW LOOK

I thank all of my readers for your support in 2014. I am looking forward to more interaction with you all in the years to come.

For 2015 I will continue to give you an inside look into my life in recovery and I will continue to do my best to help anyone who needs it. The main purpose of this blog is to let people know that recovery is possible and to let you get an understanding of how addiction has affected me and how I strive daily to overcome it. I want to be clear that I am by no means cured or recovered and I can only share my experience, strength and hope with you to the best of my ability. Honest sharing is the antidote to my diseased thinking.Please feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns you might have. If I am able to assist I will be more than happy to do so.  I will continue to keep it real with you and do my best to always answer each and everyone one of you in a timely manner.

I wish you all a happy, healthy, safe and prosperous New Year 2015

Thank you for your support of From Struggle To Strength.

Eric Ease