I have learned that NO is a complete sentence.
Wow. You mean to tell me that its ok to say NO. That I do not have to put up with things that I don’t agree with. That I don’t have to do something that I dont want to just because I don’t want to hurt your feelings. All I have to do is say NO.
I remember thinking that I didn’t have a choice. If I say NO then I will hurt this persons feelings and they won’t like me anymore. Or If I say NO the crew wont want me to be a part of anymore. I remember doing things against my will just for the sake of BEING DOWN, To be LIKED or to have FRIENDS. Saying NO was one of the hardest things for me to do.
Not only for the sake of being a part of either. In THE END I couldn’t say NO to the drugs either. I remember wanting to stop but I just didn’t know how. I didn’t know that there was another way to live so I remember just giving up. Saying YES to everyone and everything when I wanted to say NO! I became a people pleaser and very unhappy.
In the here and now, I find myself still at times practicing this behavior. Not saying NO because of thoughts of hurting someone’s feelings. Or what they will think about me or say about me.
But what about my feelings. Why should I compromise how I feel for the sake of making you feel better. Why should I be made to feel guilty for something that I don’t want to do.
I am grateful for the fellowship and the process of recovery. Not just the steps but the process as a whole. I am learning who I am, what I like and don’t like. I am beginning to FIND MYSELF and STAND UP for myself and what I believe. I am learning how to make healthier CHOICES and DECISIONS
I am GROWING UP and into a more responsible and productive person not just in society but INSIDE of me as well.
It’s a great feeling to stand up for myself and not just SETTLE for whatever. I am grateful for the OPPORTUNITY to grow and get to know me for the first time in my life. I am finding FREEDOM from what others think of me by learning to LOVE and RESPECT MYSELF
MORE WILL BE REVEALED.