Well here we are in the middle of what I call the Holiday Trifecta. Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. 3 holidays that wreak the most havoc on a recovering addicts ability to maintain clean time. On top of that my birthday is January 20th so its like 4 holidays for me. I would use non stop all the way through. I speak mainly from my own personal experience and this is how the holidays have affected me in the past.
I remember the “holiday season” growing up as a time of celebration. Family members would all come together and one relatives home and we would enjoy each others company. The women would be busy fixing food and telling stories of back in the days when us kids were young and all the men would be watching a game or 2 having drinks and telling their own stories. Those were good times. Little did I know those were also the start of a tradition of using that would become ingrained in my life and a part of my cycle that would last for years.
After a while to me the “holiday season” meant it was time to get twisted. The bonding with family had died off years ago because I was too busy isolating with my favorite past time. In other words I was too caught up in the grips of my addiction to care about anything else or anyone for that matter. It became a ritual to get
HIGH FOR THE HOLIDAYS
and I followed that ritual faithfully year after year.
When I came into recovery after finally admitting to myself that I needed help, I still could not make it through the season without using. I would stay clean for a couple of months, relapse come back only to use again once the holidays came around. One of the biggest mistakes I’ve made was I never shared that I wanted to use. I never told anyone how I was feeling. I wanted to make it through the holidays on my own. I couldn’t because I always went around people, places and things that I shouldn’t have.
THAT WAS A BIG MISTAKE. I CANNOT DO THIS ALONE.
I am grateful for the fellowship. It has taught me a few things. The first being I never have to use again. Also that I never have to be alone again. Also I have learned to listen to learn. I listen to others share how they make it through the holidays and I listen to the Secretary tell where the marathon meetings will be at. I get and use phone numbers, and I tell on my disease today. I don’t keep it to myself. Those few things and some others have helped me stay clean through last and this holiday season.
So I just want you to know that if you are thinking about using, talk about it. Reach out to someone, make meetings, call your network and if you dont have one get one. You can start with me. My email address is attached to my blog and I WILL RESPOND. Stay away from people, places and things that might trigger you. Don’t believe the lie. I can do just one. One is too many, too high a price to pay for all the misery that will surely come afterwards. Stay strong. Peace and blessings.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. RECOVERY WORKS WHEN WE WORK IT!