As I sit here at work doing literally nothing. I wonder how the family is doing and if they even think about me at all. I guess deep down inside I know the answer is NO
I mean lets be real. If they thought about me they would call or maybe send a email or a letter, fly a kite over to me, a homing pigeon, hell even a smoke signal. But yet none of the above has come my way.
So I continue to go on about my life.
You didn’t think that would stop me did you? Tisk, Tisk Tisk.
You see I have accepted the fact that I made it this way. I have lied, cheated, stole and then lied some more. I gave them every reason not to talk to me. I’ve been clean before and promised I would never do it again.
ONLY TO DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN.
So now that I have a little clean time I expect everyone to forgive and forget. NAHHHHH
That’s a fantasy and its not my fantasy. I know better. I am more realistic than that. I don’t set myself up with these great or false expectations of my family accepting me with open arms after the harm I’ve done. Only to be disappointed and have my feelings hurt. Nope.
HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE, BUT FIRST THEY HURT THEMSELVES.
(CRACK KILLS) I WILL NOT HURT MYSELF TODAY.
So it’s not that I don’t care because I do. It’s just that I need to continue to focus on me and getting better.
NOT CURED BECAUSE I WILL NEVER BE CURED
Just better. Better at dealing with my feelings and my emotions and everyday life that shows up in between. So until that time when my higher power sees fit to make that happen. I wait patiently and work vigorously.
THIS TOO SHALL PASS.