I don’t know where to start but here goes.

My story has many different levels and many chapters. And one day I will be able to share what has been locked away deep inside of me. My father was my best friend and I never got to really say goodbye but even worse than that I never got to tell him that I loved him or to thank him for everything that he has done for me.

As I sit here typing this I am crying. I have a very hard time with this because I never was able to properly grieve or get closure. My Father’s death is still an open wound. That I haven’t been able to deal with. I am sad right now. The holidays are always sad for me.

My father died in 2001. It was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. I mean others in my family have died but it was nothing like when my father passed away. A part of me died that day too. After his death I totally shut the world out. I shut down emotionally and crawled even deeper into my private world. Never to allow anyone to get to know me on a deep level. Never to be able to show true emotions or feelings or care or concern. The only role model I ever had was dead and I wished it was me. I deserved it. I was the fuck up. I was the black sheep and yet God took him. Why?

5 thoughts on “I MISS YOU DAD. PART. 1

  1. I feel as though god has a plan and some people are part of our lives to make special marks and influence us in incredivle ways. Because he touched your life , i believe he has also left an enteral mark, he is forever a piece of you, and that needa to be admired and shouldnt hide it; because the piece of him in you is probably one of the most special parts of you. My condolences!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. eric,no one knows why anyone is taken,but we always ask why.my dad was a violent alcohoic.our holidays were hell.I still have a hard time with this time of year.when I was 14 my dad got sober,we a great year together.but when I was 15 he died.my mom was also alcoholic,didn’t give a damn about me.I was on the street at 15 at 16 I was forced to marry a man 10 years older than me,because I was pregant,he raped me.he was a bastard and I eventually got rid of him.but I always knew if my dad had been alive that creep would have been arrested.
    your dad is and would also be proud of you for facing your life as it was and living today in recovery.your father is looking down from above and saying way to go eric!!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s