Growing up my parents always made sure we were self sufficient. They were very protective of us and made sure we followed the rules. Rules that were meant to keep us safe and to help us to grow up to be responsible and productive citizens. I was raised to respect my elders and people in general. We were brought up to live by a certain code of ethics instilled in us by our parents. We were taught how to read, write, wash clothes, cook, do laundry and all other things in order to survive. My parents raised all 3 of their boys to become men. I love my parents.
Somewhere along the way I lost that. I began to stray away from doing whats right and began to flirt with doing what I knew deep down was wrong. The more I got away with, the more attracted to it I became and the more I did it. Until finally that was my new code of ethics. Before long I was mixed up with what people always seem to call: THE WRONG CROWD. Growing up I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere but I felt right at home with the wrong crowd. Go figure. I was a misfit who fit right in..Or so I thought. I have been dealing with low self-esteem and low self worth which in turn caused me to display self-destructive behaviors. I did things to fit in. Always wanting to be liked by others. Little did I know then that
IT WAS A VERY HIGH PRICE TO PAY TO LIVE SO LOW.
Today i still struggle with self esteem, and other issues but at least I am beginning to get an understanding of me. I am not running away from my feelings today. Thanks to my higher power, the process of the fellowship, my network and my willingness to change, to grow and to finally start a new chapter.
I am getting better. One day at a time.