I am grateful to have been led by my higher power to recovery. I didn’t believe for a long time that I would ever be able to stop using drugs. My track record proved to me that I would use something or another for the rest of my life. It all started over 37 years ago with alcohol and progressed to smoking weed, sniffing coke, dope, hash, angel dust and a host of other drugs only to end up smoking crack for the last 25+ years. My life was chaotic to say the least. I have had more misadventure, trials and tribulations than the average person will ever see or experience.
At the end of my road, there was only desperation, isolation, loneliness and despair. I felt like I couldn’t do any better than my current circumstances and so I proceeded to live out my life as the cards had been dealt. I thought it was my destiny to continue to live as a worthless, useless drug addict. I really didn’t want to live like that anymore and I would have thoughts of ending my life so I wouldn’t have to feel the pain that I was living with and feeling everyday. I thank God that he saw fit to have a better plan for me because left to my own devices I would have eventually killed myself.
I do not have any shame or guilt in sharing the fact that I have tried unsuccessfully to end my life by way of the streets. I would have shot myself but I sold my gun for crack, so I had to resort to hopefully someone else pulling the trigger on me. But it didn’t work. God blocked all attempts and kept me alive and for the life of me I couldn’t understand why. I remember praying for death. God please either help me or kill me I would say. Well my prayer was answered. Not in my time but in his time. He saved me, he helped me get out of the hell which was my life.
So naturally I feel an obligation to help others who might be feeling, contemplating, thinking, or acting the way I did. I feel like I can help because I have been there and I know EXACTLY HOW THEY FEEL. My blog is a tool for me to reach out to those who are still sick and suffering. To let them know that people do recover from drug addiction or any addiction for that matter. It is never too late. I am 48 years old. I have used drugs for more than 3 quarters of my life. I have used for almost 4 decades and today..I DO NOT USE ANYTHING.
TODAY MY LIFE IS SERENE. I AM AT PEACE AND I LIVE AS HONESTLY AS I POSSIBLY CAN.
I don’t use drugs, people or situations. I do not take advantage of people, places or things like I did in the past. Today I fight a disease that wants me dead and I will fight to the death not to die a using addict. I have found a purpose to live and I am grateful that I have the opportunity to share my experience, strength and hope with you.
If you are struggling with an addiction please know that there is a way out. You do not have to do this alone. There are plenty of people who have been in your shoes who have made it out and now live productive lives. You can too. All you need is desire and a willingness to stay clean come hell or high water..
NO MATTER WHAT WE DON’T HAVE TO EVER USE DRUGS AGAIN.