I have lived my life one way for as long as I can remember. That way was my way or the highway. I can remember as far back as elementary school wanting what I wanted and wanting it NOW!
Patience was NEVER my strong suit and as I grew older so my impatience grew stronger. So needless to say that I wasn’t the nicest person in my active addiction. I had to have it..
WHAT EVER IT WAS.
I had to have it now. Sooner rather than later. Today not tomorrow. In fact I wanted it yesterday. You move to slow I got irritated, you talk too much I was liable to do you something terrible. I hated everything about waiting.
Now that I am a recovering addict, you might think that I am grateful and have learned a thing or two. I have. I’ve learned that recovery is a process and I will not change everything overnight. I have learned that I am living a new way of life and no one that has experience in any area was born with that experience. There is always a beginning. A starting point. Lessons to learn. Studying, practice and application.
The same applies when it comes to learning to deal with and change certain character defects. Applying patience goes a long way. I am getting better at it. I still suffer from instant gratification syndrome but just for today I am learning how to wait for it.
WHAT EVER IT IS!
I have heard it said many times by people in recovery.
I stop using drugs and found myself with an addiction to…. I can finally say that I have experienced it myself. Truth is I have been experiencing it but didn’t connect the dots until recently. I have been switching addictions or substituting if you will for quite some time now.
NO I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT DRUGS.
I have been noticing the obsessive and compulsive behaviors in other areas of my life recently. I can only share a few with you because the more I sit and take inventory the more I have noticed that it’s been going on for a little while now. I used to wonder what people where talking about and now I know.
So let’s take a looksee..
I have to admit that since I stopped using I have noticed my cigarette intake has upped somewhat. I keep saying that I want to quit but I wind up smoking more. I have tried several times unsuccessfully and will try again for the new year. I have put on a few pounds over the last couple of months, my eating habits have changed to junk foods, snacking and butter pecan icecream. I always loved sneakers but come on do I really need 27 pairs of sneakers. Nike loves me..Lol. I have also been working a lot of extra hours. I don’t know if this qualifies because I have always been known as the King of Overtime on my job. Having no kids and no wife or girlfriend makes it easy for me now to do even more work. I love the paychecks too. Lol. As you can see by just a few of the examples that I have become a bit obsessive in other areas of my life. I am grateful that I am aware of it and can correct it, instead of it leading up to other more dangerous and damaging obsessions.
Knowing is half the battle.