I am grateful for life today.
It’s been 403 days since I’ve had a drink or used any mind or mood altering substances. That’s 1 year, 1 month and 1 week of non stop clean time. That is something for me to be very proud of and believe me I AM.I always post here in my blog my truth. I do not write fantasies or project lies to make people think that my drug abuse was sweet, fun or an adventure. IT WAS NOT..NOT AT ALL.
My addiction took me to places that I would not wish on my worse enemy. In the end I was smoking crack every day and was spending every dollar I could get my hand on to get it. I’ve sold ALL of my belongings, I stole your belongings, I lied, cheated and done things that I am not proud of. I was a derelict, I smelled like shit and looked like it too. I’ve been homeless, jobless, hopeless and felt worthless. I was alone and felt like no one cared. I’ve been to prison, lost the love of my family, my self respect and the respect of others. I tried to commit suicide and lost all hope of ever being anything but a loser. I totally gave up on myself and on society. I was lost and never thought that I could ever come back from the hell in which was my life.
I write my blog not just for me. It’s not just a journal of my journey in recovery. Yes it is a tool for me, to help me keep up front what I have endured and survived, and also to help me get out of my own head. But more importantly I write my story so others who might read it can identify with it and maybe just maybe find the hope and strength they need to overcome what they might be struggling with. I want people to know that IT IS POSSIBLE. I want people to know that they are NOT ALONE. That there is someone out there that understands what they are going through. I want people to feel like they too can recover. That if I can do it so can they. I want people to be able to reach out to me and talk about whatever it is that they are going through. I have been there and I want to be there for others who are there now.
I write because I care. I write because it gives me freedom, it helps me remain free from my active addiction. I want you, my readers to know that I am here. I am willing to correspond with you. I will answer your emails if you send them. I want to help if I can. I am not here to judge you or to make you feel less than. I am only trying to give back what was so freely given to me. I can only offer suggestions I am not perfect nor am I recovered or cured. I can only offer my experience, strength and hope.
My hope is every person who seeks recovery finds it and finds the peace they deserve.