YOU WEREN’T THERE..YOU HAVE NO CLUE!


It’s truly saddens me when people with no inkling of an idea what addiction is, think they know what they are talking about. You know the one’s. You probably have heard them spewing a bunch of bullshit like “Addicts have control over their using” or “They can stop if they want to, they just don’t want to”. I wonder what drugs they were addicted to that was so easy for them to control and stop when they decided they had enough.

Oh you say you are not an addict, well then that explains everything. 

I want to let people know first hand what it is like to be a person recovering from the horrors of addiction. That is why I write my blog. I am not writing my thesis. I am not speaking from years of college experience. No I do not have a bachelor’s or a masters degree. I am not versed in the lingo of the educated well rounded individuals who have spent countless hours in the classroom study up on the subject of addiction.

I have another kind of education.

I my friends have a PHD.

POSTHUMOUS. DESCRIPTION. / PAIN. HOMELESSNESS. DERELICTION  / PLENTY. HOMIES DEAD.

PLENTY HARD DRUGS.  (I could go on and on but back to the post)

I my friends was there. While you my friend was not. I know what addiction does to not only the person who is suffering but also what it does to the family members who also are suffering. I know what it is like to come to and even though you know you are barely alive to still want to use. To be sick and suffering and have no control over the desire, the uncontrollable urge to continue using. To pray for death because the pain you are going through is unbearable. To know that what you are doing is killing your family and inside be hurting but can’t live without getting another one. To not be able to feel for anyone anymore because you are caught up in the grips of addiction and feel that there is no way out.

I know what hopelessness, worthlessness and uselessness feels like first hand. I know what homelessness and despair feel like. I know what isolation and degradation feels like. Do you?

I know all about it. I lived it.

So please do me a favor. Before you go and pass your educated judgement on someone because after all you know what you are talking about right. Before you condemn someone who is suffering, before you put your stamp of disapproval with your know it all ass on a person sick and suffering or on a person in recovery before you add to the already out of control stigma that is associated with THIS DISEASE.

Get your facts straight.

KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE.

12 thoughts on “YOU WEREN’T THERE..YOU HAVE NO CLUE!

  1. wow,this really hit me!!and sorry eric I haven’t kept up with your blog.but I have been dealing with stuuf around my vision loss and to be truthful,I am really overwhelmed with it all.
    just recently I dealt with a so called friend,not only judging me,but made horrible remarks about my oldest son who is dieing from our disease.gary at 1 time had 10 years.he recently lost his 6 figure job,his house is being foreclosed on and he has lost his family.my heart is broken,but no matter what I luv him.I know the hell and pain he is in,but I also know I am powerless.he won’t contact me while he is at it and I miss him.he has always been a great son and my friend,this disease has destroyed that.all I do is pray for him.even his brother is a jerk about this.you never know,but some people will never take the time to learn about addiction/alcoholism,maybe cause they don’t want to look at themselves.
    keep up the good work,eric.your honesty will keep you strong!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Adele I am sorry to hear that you have been overwhelmed by your vision situation. And saddened to hear about your son Gary. I will continue to pray for you and your family. As far as the so called friends we have to deal with. I know it can be tough but in all reality they do not matter. People are always going to talk and spread gossip when it is not happening to them and all we can do is pray for them. I know for a fact that if it were them they would not have the skill set that you and I have acquired to deal with it. They need to but won’t get to learn about it because it doesn’t directly affect them. sad but true. Thank you for all your support and comments. Peace and blessings.

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  2. No shit!!!! And thank you for acknowledging the utter hell that the family goes through!!! Because as my beautiful children are dying, so am I. I’ve been judged, ridiculed, blamed, shamed, embarrassed, isolated, sick of my own story like a broken record & told to get over it. Yes, get over it. Do we tell the new mother of a stillborn baby to get over it? Do we tell the parents of any dying child to get over it? Yes, I’ve lost weight, yes, I’m depressed, anxious, fearful (why do you think I keep my phone on silent?) Yes, I’ve questioned, wondered, cried a river during sleepless nights, where did I go wrong. Yes, I’ve enabled, said no, been degraded, devalued, abused, stolen from,desperate for help. Yes, I’ve shrunk, burdened by the pain, sorrow, sadness, grief, love, hope, regret, death of a child that I’ve loved deeply & had so much hope for. Yes, I’ve read 1001 books on every aspect of addiction. I’ve gone to so much therapy I could be the therapist. Yes, I have gone to every kind of meeting to make me better, I, too, have a PHD in the realities of loving your addicted child. Yes, I’ve tried to fix them but mostly I’ve tried to fix my broken pieces. Yes, I’ve had to evict, refuse contact, let them be cold, hungry, dying. Yes. Yes and Yes…I’ve been there, am there, done that. There is nothing you can say that I have not said to myself. I suffer. I suffer no matter where my addict is. Dead or alive, I suffer. There is not a soul I would wish this kind of suffering on. Let it go???? Looks good on paper. No matter which way I turn, no matter how much I pretend, no matter what is great in my life, as long as my child/children are active in their addiction… my soul, my heart, my mind is sick, sorry & sad. How about, YOU GET OVER IT!!! And just be grateful you are not in my shoes.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Gayle for your comment. I feel your pain. I know your struggles as well as my own. I cannot for the life of me figure our how someone who has no clue could ever fix their lips to tell someone who’s child is suffering to “get over it” or “suck it up” or any other snide slick remarks that people who have never been in mines or your shoes come out of their faces with. It’s easy for people to judge, ridicule and condemn things that the do not understand or fear. I applaud you for your courage to say NO. To say enough is enough and to stand up for yourself and not lie down and surrender. I know how hard that is. I know how heartbreaking it is to have to tell your baby to go away, to lock the door, or to even call the police.You have suffered the same if not more that your addict child and I for one recognize this. I thank you for sharing some of you with me and my readers. I am grateful to be a part of recovery and to have started this blog to not only give voice to my addiction and journey into recover but to also give others a chance to voice theirs too. Recovery is not only for the addict but also the families that have been destroyed as a direct result of the use and abuse that they have been through. Please continue to talk about it and if you ever need to vent feel free to contact me. My email is located right here on my blog and I will always answer. Thank you again Gayle.

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      • Eric, THANK YOU for acknowledging me, my thoughts, feelings, etc. I am so grateful for the lessons I’ve learned through my experience with my addicted adult children. I’m more informed, insightful, compassionate, understanding. I could go on & on. My heart knows what hell addicts go through. I’ve lived it along side my adult children. I know it’s not over till it’s over. I know that I have been as sick if not sicker than my addicts. I know I need help as much as my addict. I also take my life one moment, one day at a time. I know that I can not love them or anyone into being well. I know when one backsides I often backside too. I’m a bona fide butt wiper. I will never be cured. Addiction is the most untreated treatable disease there is. What other disease can lead a parent to do the unbearable: pulling the plug? Evicting. Changing their phone number. Surrendering to the reality that our love Is literally killing our children. It is all so counter intuitive to what we think, feel, believe. And most of us who are practicing this “tough” love are doing it to save ourselves but only after we have been drained emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially. It is a death. It is horrendous grief. And many of us have major post traumatic stress because the war we are fighting is with someone we have loved like we’ve never loved before. And our war is not over. But what I’ve done is not working. Keep doing what you’ve always done & you will get what you’ve always got. I’m walking down a different road. It may not save my addict but I pray it will save me. Blessings to all the broken hearted. We are not alone.

        Liked by 1 person

        • You’re welcome Gayle. I for one know how hard it is for a parents in the struggles of addiction. I only wish that there was some magic potion to cure all the pain that addiction can and will cause. That will always remain just a wish. Addiction is definitely a family disease and I have seen first hand the destruction that it causes. The disaster left in the wake of addiction is like no other because its lingering, long lasting and devastating. I always say a prayer for the still sick and suffering addicts but I also add the families in my prayers as well. Gayle you can only do what you can and no more. I know its hard to say no and to completely cut of your children and I know that it is a pain that I will never feel from your side. But I have felt it from my side and I can tell you. It is a sharp blow. At first I was very angry but later was forced to look at it from their point of view. It took years for me to take responsibility for my actions but I am grateful for my process because today I can see clearer than ever before. I know one thing for sure. You can pray, lock up, beat up, cut off, starve, and even disown an addict, but an addict will not stop using drugs until he or she wants to. It has to be their decision and their’s alone, Nothing can make a person stop using drugs until they are ready and realize that its a no win situation. I will continue to pray for you and for your children. I am grateful that you share your story with me and with my readers and I am here for you anytime. Thank you for your comments and support.

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  3. Thank-you for this. I have to admit I always judged the addicted until it happened to me. I think it comes down to whether you want to get better (how much are you willing to do to fight yourself) and whether you ignorantly abuse yourself with no care. During my using process, friends judged me and told me “it’s bad, just stop doing it”, and it was the worst advice I ever got.

    They just don’t get it, no textbook or life experience can ever prepare you for that feeling. It takes control over your mind, soul and you start to question yourself more than ever before.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The way to happiness is living in the moment. What happened then is just that..then… Everything that you went thru got you to this exact point of your existence. Eckardt Tolle is a wise man with wise words. Things he says might be right up your alley. You are on a path… Peace.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for your comment. I checked out quotes by Eckhardt Tolle and you are right. I like what I am reading. Here is one that I especially like.
      “Give up defining yourself – to yourself or to others. You won’t die. You will come to life. And don’t be concerned with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it’s their problem. Bam. Thanks you for reading and commenting on my blog. I really appreciate it. Peace.

      Liked by 1 person

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