Lately I have been feeling a little empty inside. I have been trying to put my finger on what the cause is and I keep coming up blank. I am living a life that was only a dream a little over a year ago. I have a nice new car. I have a job that’s not the greatest but I am grateful to be gainfully employed. I am in a relationship which has it’s ups and downs but I am happy most of the time. I have a little bit of money. (Believe me when I say a little bit). I have a roof over my head, with heat and hot water. For a very long time I did not have any of those things. I wandered around like a lost soul from one friend to another to the subway to abandon buildings to the streets. I came up and I am grateful but I am still missing something.
I think I have an idea what it might be.
I lived a life of selfishness and self centered-ness for a very long time. All I ever did was take, take and take, until you didn’t have anything left to give and then I still wanted more. I think that it’s time for me to start giving something back. I am feeling empty inside and I have to find a way to fix that.
I’ve heard it said that service is a way to get outside of myself and doing something for others. I remember the good feeling I used to get when I was of service to others. How it made me feel to help someone else without looking for something in return. I have to fill this empty void I am feeling. I have to continue to move forward and climb to new heights. I am feeling stagnated and do not wish to stay in this frame of thinking. I wish to continue to grow, not to stand still and take up space.
The mind is a terrible thing to waste. I’ve wasted enough.