Brrrrrrrr. Is all I can say this morning.
When I think of how cold it is today (its about 29 degrees in NYC) I have to also think of how grateful I am.
This time last year it was also cold but there is a big difference. Last year this time I was very new to recovery. I had about 23 days clean or something like that. I also remember the light company sending me a letter telling me that my lights would be cut off for non payment. That was November 9, 2013. So by this time last year I was living in a house with no electricity. No big deal right.
You see I used the electricity to heat up my room, to stay warm and also to heat up my microwaveable meals. I had to stay warm by electric heater because I also had not been paying my gas bill and they shut my gas off about 2 years before that. I was so far behind in payments that I just gave up trying to pay them back. You see giving them money as a payment plan didn’t make sense to me because I needed that money to by my drugs. I figured why the hell should I pay it they aren’t going to turn my gas on now so it can wait. I was so far gone that nothing else and I mean nothing else mattered anymore. I didn’t care that I was living in a house that was colder inside than it was outside. I didn’t care that I had to sleep in 2 or 3 layers of clothes at night and several blankets on the bed just to stay semi warm. It didn’t matter that I was taking showers (when I did take a shower) in water that was so cold that if I stood under it too long i would catch a brain freeze. But last year was different because I no longer wanted to use drugs. I wanted to change my life and so I had to improvise and make restitution to the powers that be. I did that and then some.
So this year I am celebrating more than just a year clean. I am celebrating a new way of life. I am celebrating the escape from the hell from which I came. I am grateful and thankful that today my lights are on. I am grateful that I have heat and hot water. I have a car. I have a roof over my head and I have friends who understand me and helped me get through those rough ass times..I am celebrating that guy with 23 days clean living in a cold and dark ass house who did not use
NO MATTER WHAT.
So I can be here to tell you about it today.
I remember that pain and I will not allow my addiction to lull me into a sense of comfort and complacency as to forget the hell that I have endured and survived. So take that Jack Frost. I am a survivor and I am ready for yo ass this year.