Objective:           Seeking normalized interactions, relief of loneliness, noise reduction in my head, sanity, happiness,  peace and serenity.

Flexibility with my objectives is non negotiable. Other objectives sought but not mentioned because it would go on til infinity.

Experience:       Too many bad ones not enough good ones. Please see below.        

Lifetime: Addicted, Imprisoned, Misunderstood and Abandoned

Birth – 1977: Good grades, respectful, loving, smart, gullible, abused.

1978 – 1985: Experimental crash dummy. Started using to “fit in”

1985 – 2011: Crackhead, dopefiend, homelessness, prison, treatment centers, low self esteem,  low self worth, all time low, rock bottom, suicide, pesticide you can see it in my eye I want to die.

2011 – 2013: Attempting to change, failing, kept trying and failure was it. So I thought.

2013 – Present: Surrender, compliance,  growth, love, happiness, change, honesty, open mindedness, willingness. Drug free, empathy, acceptance.

I felt like I was a worthless piece of shit for more than 30 years of my life. I was lost and felt like no one cared so I didn’t care either. I wasn’t open minded and therefore unable to receive the help that was being offered. So I suffered needlessly.

Today I have hope. I have been blessed to live 3 life’s in 1 lifetime. Child, Addict, Recovering Addict. Not too many could have survived but I did. I am here to share my experience, strength and hope with anyone who will listen.

I cannot keep it. Unless I give it away.


Watching Netflix just aint the same. Sometimes when there is a major change its hard for me to adjust. I’ve been grumpy and lazy all day. A part of me is gone and im feeling some pain. I just wish that things could have been different. Live and let live. Now I will adjust because I need to find the real me. Not someone else’s me but the real me. I’ve been going through withdrawal symptoms today. A lot of memories. Some good times, some bad times and then some more bad times. Life is funny that way. But I aint smiling. I must have missed the joke or was I the joke. Crazy thoughts running through my mind again. I need to quiet those negative thoughts.  I did my best and that all I can do. But for whatever its worth. I do miss you.