I remember when I thought so little of myself that I sought approval from everyone else. I wanted to fit in and be liked so I would do whatever it took to be a part of. I grew up not liking myself very much. Low self esteem and low self worth plagued me as a child and only got worse as I got older. I wore many masks over the years and changed my name like some people change their socks.

I could never understand why I felt the way I did. I was a pretty smart kid I just didn’t fit in with the cool kids. (That was my public school years. There were no “cool” kids.) I got introduced to alcohol at a early age. I liked it. It made me brave. I was funny and people began to like me. I finally fit in….Or so I thought.

It was all a ruse. An elaborate scheme to use me for what ever. I was to blind to see it. To eager to belong. To naive. To stupid. So I continued to be the fool for years seeking the attention and affection of others because I couldn’t find it within myself.

In the here and now I am learning to rely on myself and not on others. I am beginning to know who I am. To love myself and not depend on others for approval. This may sound strange but I dont think I am doing such a good job. I find myself still putting others needs before mines. Am i still seeking that approval?

I need to take some time and get to know the real me. Find out what I like, what I want. I have to do me. Focus on me. Get to know me.

And so I will.


I destroy homes, tear families apart, take your children, and that’s just the start. I’m more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold, the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold. And if you need me, remember I’m easily found, I live all around you, in schools and in town. I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybe next door. My power is awesome; try me, you’ll see. But if you do, you may NEVER break free.

Just try me once and I might let you go, but try me twice, and I’ll own your soul. When I possess you, you’ll steal and you’ll lie. You do what you have to just to get high. The crimes you’ll commit, for my narcotic charms will be worth the pleasure you’ll feel in my arms. You’ll lie to your mother; you’ll steal from your dad. When you see their tears, you should feel sad. But you’ll forget your morals and how you were raised, I’ll be your conscience, I’ll teach you my ways. I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from god, and separate friends. I’ll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I’ll be with you always, right by your side.

You’ll give up everything… your family, your home… your friends, your money, then you’ll be alone. I’ll take and take, till you have nothing more to give. When I’m finished with you you’ll be lucky to live. If you try me be warned this is no game. If given the chance, I’ll drive you insane. I’ll ravish your body; I’ll control your mind. I’ll own you completely; your soul will be mine. The nightmares I’ll give you while lying in bed, the voices you’ll hear from inside your head. The sweats, the shakes, the visions you’ll see; I want you to know, these are all gifts from me. But then it’s too late, and you’ll know in your heart, that you are mine, and we shall not part. You’ll regret that you tried me, they always do, but you came to me, not I to you.

You knew this would happen. Many times you were told, but you challenged my power, and chose to be bold. You could have said no, and just walked away. If you could live that day over, now what would you say? I’ll be your master; you will be my slave, I’ll even go with you, when you go to your grave. Now that you have met me , what will you do? Will you try me or not? Its all up to you. I can bring you more misery than words can tell. Come take my hand, LET ME LEAD YOU TO HELL!

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