I AM


I just thought I would repost one of my earlier blog posts.

I thank God.
For all that I AM. My experiences have made me strong and resilient. I would love to have been someone else at one time and actually lived a life full of lies trying to protect a false image that I created. But the reality is:

I am

A Addict
A Liar
A Cheat
A Thief
A Loser
Confused
Depressed
Stressed Out
Lost
Worthless
Hopeless
Heartless
Cold
Insane
Negative
Self Centered
Selfish
Egotistical

I am
A Compassionate Person
A Hard Worker
Generous
Healthy
Smart
Funny
Hungry
Sensitive

As you can see I can find a whole shopping list of negative things to say about myself. Its not so easy for me when it comes to positive things. I struggle with low self-esteem and low self worth. I know that I have a lot of positive qualities but I am unable at this time to really see them let alone put them to paper.

Some days I feel really good and positive vibes and thoughts just flow easily. Then it fades and the usual negative thoughts take over. That’s the story of my life. The difference is today I am working on not always feeding into those thoughts and acting off of them like I have ever since I can remember.

I am grateful for having a sponsor and the fellowship even though I might not seem to be. I mean lets face it I have relapsed several times. I know that they are there for me and all I have to do is access the support available to me. There are times when that is easier said than done. I am still learning and practicing a new way of life.

I realize its a process and not a race and everyone does not recover at the same pace. This gives me hope. I remind myself that others have struggled as I am and they are making it. I will continue to do my best and utilize my network and God.

One day I will be able to move forward and not look back. One day at a time.

Peace and blessings

Eric

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