THAT LONELY PLACE

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I am proud of the progress that I have made since coming into recovery. I was at a point of no return. I was beat up from the feet up. I lost all hope of ever changing and so I settled for the life I was living. It became all I knew. I was a lost soul living in a world that doesn’t care about the lost souls.
The streets of New York City became my home and the streets have no love for you. The phrase dog eat dog world is for the lame, soft asses of the masses. Street life will chew you up and spit you out. The daily grind of this addict would not be seen by nor survived by most.

But that was then…

My life has changed tremendously. Once the seed was planted and the decision was made. Once I became sick and tired of being sick and tired. I knew that I had to do something or become just another statistic. For the first time in my life I wanted to live. I wanted something better for myself. I had to reach that lonely place. That rock bottom. I was all alone or at least that’s how I felt. Lonely, broken and lost. I was guided to a life saving process and I struggled to bring myself out of that bottomless pit.

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.

You can’t teach a old dog new tricks. But you can teach him to be better at the one’s he already knows.

You can’t make a addict stop using. You can only pray they find their way.

The decision has to be made by the individual. Nothing or no one can make that decision for them. It’s an inside job!

I started from the bottom now I’m here. One day at a time. I get better.

I AM

I just thought I would repost one of my earlier blog posts.

I thank God.
For all that I AM. My experiences have made me strong and resilient. I would love to have been someone else at one time and actually lived a life full of lies trying to protect a false image that I created. But the reality is:

I am

A Addict
A Liar
A Cheat
A Thief
A Loser
Confused
Depressed
Stressed Out
Lost
Worthless
Hopeless
Heartless
Cold
Insane
Negative
Self Centered
Selfish
Egotistical

I am
A Compassionate Person
A Hard Worker
Generous
Healthy
Smart
Funny
Hungry
Sensitive

As you can see I can find a whole shopping list of negative things to say about myself. Its not so easy for me when it comes to positive things. I struggle with low self-esteem and low self worth. I know that I have a lot of positive qualities but I am unable at this time to really see them let alone put them to paper.

Some days I feel really good and positive vibes and thoughts just flow easily. Then it fades and the usual negative thoughts take over. That’s the story of my life. The difference is today I am working on not always feeding into those thoughts and acting off of them like I have ever since I can remember.

I am grateful for having a sponsor and the fellowship even though I might not seem to be. I mean lets face it I have relapsed several times. I know that they are there for me and all I have to do is access the support available to me. There are times when that is easier said than done. I am still learning and practicing a new way of life.

I realize its a process and not a race and everyone does not recover at the same pace. This gives me hope. I remind myself that others have struggled as I am and they are making it. I will continue to do my best and utilize my network and God.

One day I will be able to move forward and not look back. One day at a time.

Peace and blessings

Eric

BE TRUE TO YOU

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Life offers you a priceless opportunity in every single moment to see and experience Who You Really Are.  Seize it!  Sometimes we get completely lost in trying to live life for others, trying to meet their expectations, doing things just to impress them.  Take a moment now and stop yourself.  Are you doing things because you truly believe in them?  Remember your own needs and goals.  Remember who YOU are.  Live, do and love so that you are happy too, because when it comes down to it, you can’t be true to others unless you are true to yourself first.

From Marc and Angel Hacklife.