I always start my day with prayer for the still sick and suffering addicts, my family and anyone who is going through anything. It helps me to not always think about myself.
As a recovering addict I know all to well how in my addiction all I thought about was me, me, me. I didn’t care about the needs or wants of others. Self centeredness is the core of our disease. I lived my life like everyone owed me something. I couldn’t see past my self.
It never occurred to me the damage that I was doing to everyone around me. I was so selfish that to me no one else even mattered. The only thing that was of any importance was getting and using and finding ways and means to get more.
I was caught up in the grip of my addiction. I lived in a fantasy world where everything was fine but the reality was my life was out of control. I never could admit that I had a problem. Although everyone around me could see it and would tell me I needed help.
The fact of the matter is until I was ready to admit to myself that I needed help. I would continue the downward spiral. No one can make or pray or wish me better. Until I could get honest with myself about my problem I would continue to suffer.
I know today that I was out of control.
My life was and sometimes still is unmanageable. But I am getting better. I am growing up. I am owning up to my responsibilities. Most importantly I AM NOT USING. This is all new to me and believe me there are times when I just want to run. Go hide and wait for it all to just go away. But I know thats not reality. That’s the fantasy I used to live.
So I face my fears. With the help of people who are just like me. Today I can ask for help. I am not alone.