Good morning everyone,

I thank the God of my understanding for waking me up to experience a new life every day. I am forever grateful. I pray daily for the still sick and suffering addicts inside and outside the rooms.

Today I was thinking about relapse. It is a reality for addicts but it is not a requirement. I know first hand what it feels like to relapse and how the mind plays tricks on you to keep you out there suffering. I remember all to well the feelings of failure and loneliness when I relapsed the first couple of times. Yes I have been in and out of recovery since 2011. I am no longer embarrassed to say it. I no longer allow my addiction to make me feel like I am a failure because I could not stay clean. I am grateful to have made it back first and foremost. Secondly I was not doing any of the required work in order to maintain my clean time. I stopped making meetings (big mistake) I wasn’t sharing my feelings of using. I didn’t use the phone numbers I collected and I just wasn’t taking any of the life saving suggestions. As a direct result of doing what I wanted to do and not what I should have been doing. I continued to get what I always got. Pain, misery and suffering.

I know a whole lot better today. I know now that my addiction takes no prisoners. It wants me dead but will settle for me being totally miserable. I know that my addiction runs deeper than just using drugs. I know that there are some things that I need to do on a daily basis in order to keep my clean date 10/26/13. I know that I cannot do this alone and I no longer try nor do I think that I know everything. I have a lot to learn and I remain open minded. I cannot change or take in new information if I am not open to new ideas. When it comes to recovery I am a baby. I am new and I know very little about it. My addiction is very slick and I know that I have to be vigilant, I have to put in the work in order to receive the results. Freedom from active addiction is wonderful but it is not free. There is some work that I have to do. I will continue to do the work necessary to maintain this new way of life.

the hard way

2 thoughts on “RELAPSE IS A REALITY

  1. You’re welcome LisaMay. Relapse os not easy on the addict but its equally hard for the family of addicts too. Its not a requirement and not all addicts relapse after getting clean but it is a reality. I know for me I have to remain vigilant in my daily recovery. I will keep your daughter and you in prayer.


  2. I have to say thank you for this post; cognitively I know that relapse is part of recovery (after all, the nar-anon family groups literature is full of those words) and watching my daughter relapse for the second (or third? who knows) time has been difficult. Your words help me to understand what is going on inside someone who is suffering from this horrible disease. Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

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