Good morning family.
As always I pray that by the time you read this all is well in your life. If it is not I pray that all will be well soon. Just remember that NO MATTER WHAT WE DON’T HAVE TO USE!!
I thank God for saving me and leading me back to the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. For loving me when I was unable to love myself.
For those of you that have been reading my blog you know that I have struggled with staying clean. I first started this blog back in 2011. When I first came to the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous I was excited about the idea of being able to live without using drugs. As time went by and my life began to take on a new meaning I forgot about all the pain and misery. I got cocky. I began to back away from what was saving my life and took my will back. I stopped making meetings and began to isolate again. Before long I was back using and my misery was refunded. I struggled back and forth for a couple of years. I just couldn’t seem to get the urgency back that I felt in the beginning. I listened to the crazy thoughts in my head and allowed those thoughts to keep me out there. My life spiraled out of control quickly. I couldn’t stand to be around myself any longer. I just couldn’t take it anymore and I wanted out. I was ready to kill myself. I thought I could never stop using and that just wasn’t good enough for me anymore.
I remember thinking about how people would look at me and that they would talk about me. Those thoughts just helped to prolong my suffering. When I did come back I was really surprised that people welcomed me back and actually clapped and hugged me. It was strange but it made me feel good inside. Today I will never forget that. Unfortunately that good feeling couldn’t keep me from going back out again and again.
One thing that stuck with me was the slogan. KEEP COMING BACK. I am grateful for the real people I met. The ones who stayed in touch with me and kept encouraging me. They kept my hope alive when I couldn’t. They gave me strength when I was ready to give up. I am grateful because I would’ve been dead today.
Through my Higher Power, The Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous, my Sponsor, my Network, The Step Work, Literature, Taking Suggestions, Using The Tools, Doing Service, Sharing, and participating in my recovery to the best of my ability. I am noticing a change. I am becoming more responsible. I am learning to love myself and others. The freedom I am experiencing is a feeling that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.
Through God’s Grace and Mercy I have 1 year today. 10/26/13 is my clean date and I am truly thankful.
Thank you all for being on this journey with me. If no one said they love you today. I love you. Have a blessed day.