ONE YEAR CLEAN

Good morning family.

As always I pray that by the time you read this all is well in your life. If it is not I pray that all will be well soon. Just remember that NO MATTER WHAT WE DON’T HAVE TO USE!!

I thank God for saving me and leading me back to the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous.  For loving me when I was unable to love myself.

For those of you that have been reading my blog you know that I have struggled with staying clean. I first started this blog back in 2011. When I first came to the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous I was excited about the idea of being able to live without using drugs. As time went by and my life began to take on a new meaning I forgot about all the pain and misery. I got cocky. I began to back away from what was saving my life and took my will back. I stopped making meetings and began to isolate again. Before long I was back using and my misery was refunded. I struggled back and forth for a couple of years. I just couldn’t seem to get the urgency back that I felt in the beginning. I listened to the crazy thoughts in my head and allowed those thoughts to keep me out there. My life spiraled out of control quickly. I couldn’t stand to be around myself any longer. I just couldn’t take it anymore and I wanted out. I was ready to kill myself. I thought I could never stop using and that just wasn’t good enough for me anymore.

I remember thinking about how people would look at me and that they would talk about me. Those thoughts just helped to prolong my suffering. When I did come back I was really surprised that people welcomed me back and actually clapped and hugged me. It was strange but it made me feel good inside. Today I will never forget that. Unfortunately that good feeling couldn’t keep me from going back out again and again.

One thing that stuck with me was the slogan. KEEP COMING BACK. I am grateful for the real people I met. The ones who stayed in touch with me and kept encouraging me. They kept my hope alive when I couldn’t. They gave me strength when I was ready to give up. I am grateful because I would’ve been dead today.

Through my Higher Power, The Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous, my Sponsor, my Network, The Step Work, Literature, Taking Suggestions, Using The Tools, Doing Service, Sharing, and participating in my recovery to the best of my ability. I am noticing a change. I am becoming more responsible.  I am learning to love myself and others. The freedom I am experiencing is a feeling that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.

Through God’s Grace and Mercy I have 1 year today. 10/26/13 is my clean date and I am truly thankful.

Thank you all for being on this journey with me. If no one said they love you today. I love you. Have a blessed day.

Eric Ease

COUNTING DOWN

Good morning,

I pray that by the time you read this, that all is going great in your life. If it is not. Hold on and have faith that things WILL get better. This too shall pass.

I always start and end my day with a prayer.  I have no doubts that there is a God because he has shown me proof every day. I am grateful and thankful and  therfore I let him know it. I also show my gratitude by practicing living his will and not my own. I dont know exactly what his will for me is..But I know what it is not. It is not his will for me to live like I was. Using drugs, being dishonest, stealing and everything else that I was doing 11 months and 20 days ago. And for a major part of the last 38 plus years.

Today I am practicing a way of life that is all brand new. I have come to realize that the way I was living and the things I was taught and believed were all lies.
Shocking is a understatement. I didnt want to believe that I could ever be wrong. Not me. Not Mr. Know it all. Lol. But its true and I believe it because as I make changes to the way I live. I see the results. I have proof. I am no longer in denial that this program, The program of Narcotics Anonymous works. I was finally able to surrender my way and put trust in God and this process and I have made tremendous progress.

I could never have done this ony own and I only take credit for making the efforts.  My higher power led me here and keeps me here and the people of the fellowship help me to stay here. Remembering the pain keeps me focused and ready to continue to do the work necessary. Giving it away helps to keep my addiction up front and it helps me heal because I am helping others. Reading the literature,  sharing with my sponsor and my network and continuous meeting attendance plus doing stepwork has helped me make this journey so far and I will continue to follow  the suggested guidelines of Narcotics Anonymous so I can maintain it.

I am proud of my progress and I don’t compare my recovery with anyone else’s.  I am right where I need to be and it can only get better.  Just For Today I have 355 days clean. 10 days away from my first year. Thank you all for being on this journey with me.

VACATION TIME

Good morning.  I pray that you are well and everything is going good. If you are not and are facing a storm. Hold on tight because THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

I am grateful to my higher power for recovery. The process of Narcotics Anonymous and my network of new friends. The fellowship has helped me tremendously. It has taught me how to begin to be a responsible person. I am learning how to show up not just for others but finally for myself. I am beginning to see that a lot of the things I grew up believing to be fact and a way of life were instead wrong all wrong. I have been so off course for so long that its hard at times to change my ways. I find myself back sliding at times but today I can see it and change it. I am growing up and although it feels strange I am learning to accept it and not run from it.

I am in Miami right now. I just got back from a cruise to the Bahamas.  Go figure. A crackhead like me taking a vacation. I remember vacations being trips to prison or a treatment facility just to get a break from using. That was the insanity that was my life. Today things are a lot different. I see life today and I am practicing not taking it for granted. I am becoming increasingly more open minded as time goes by. I am able to take suggestions today when before I was a know it all and wouldn’t listen to anyone. I payed a hefty price for my hard headedness and finally learned a valuable lesson.

I know that drugs DO NOT WORK. I KNOW THAT I MUST NOT USE NO MATTER WHAT. I know that using is not the answer.  Nothing good comes from using. My life will spiral out of control if I pick up and death is only a puff or drink away. I am grateful for my past but I don’t live there anymore. I have finally moved on to my next chapter and will not look back.

Thank you all for being on this journey with me. I pray for each and every one of you every day. If no one has told you they love you today. I do and so does God.

Peace and blessings

Eric Ease 🎭