Hello family. Its been about 2 weeks since my last post. First and foremost I thank God for allowing me to be with you all clean and healthy. For this I am truly grateful.
I have been looking at my life and monitoring my behaviors trying to notice any patterns and I have uncovered plenty. Although I am not using drugs I find that I use other things still seeking instant gratification. I have been attempting to make a conscious change in those behaviors.
I am willing to do what is necessary today and believe me it is not easy. I know that no one ever said it would be but being an addict I want the easy way out. I want results without having to do any work. I know that in reality I am still trying to control that which I have no control over and the reality is unmanageability and powerlessness.
Every time I try to control a situation or an outcome the situation becomes magnified and blows up in my face so why do I continue to try right. Good question. I know that it is part of my character defects and they do not go away over night.
Willingness to change these defects is a start and making a conscious decision to actually make the changes and then putting it into action is necessary and key. Fear keeps me repeating the same things. Change is scary but I cannot go over, under or around it. I have to work through it.
Today I will continue to practice working through and not running away from change.
Thank you for being on this journey with me.
Peace and blessings