Good morning family. I thank God for waking me today. I am grateful that I am clean.
I went to a meeting last night and got the medicine that I needed. I wouldn’t be being honest if I didn’t tell you that I wanted to use and the thought was at first keeping me from hearing the message the speaker was giving. The topic was from the Just For Today and it was about seeing the big picture. As he continued to share the feeling of using went away and the hope began to take over and I am grateful that I was there.
After the meeting someone with substantial clean time (20+ years) approached me and said they heard me share about my relapse the other day and how my addiction was talking and how I actually believed all that bullshit that I was talking. I couldn’t believe that he was saying this and started to get defensive. I wanted to pop his top. I left feeling down and had a resentment toward this individual. I even thought about using. I mean why not a member with 20+ years just told me that what I shared was bullshit and he should know right?
That was my addiction trying me. Testing my faith and commitment to staying clean. The more I thought about it the more I knew what it was but that still didn’t explain why that individual said what he said. Then I thought about that day. I had shared that I just came back from a relapse and after the meeting he was NOT one of the many people who came to me and gave me encouragement and their number. In fact he didn’t say anything to me at all. So I asked myself why is he so bitter after having so much clean time.
I’ve come to realize what I have heard so many times in the rooms.
CLEAN TIME DOES NOT EQUAL RECOVERY.
I prayed for him. I will work hard to remember where I came from and not to think just because I have many years clean that I am better than anyone else…especially a new comer.
I am grateful that God has given me another chance and I will continue to practice what I have learned so far. By practicing it I stayed clean last night. So thank you experienced member for judging my share. You have given me strength.
God thank you for all the blessings you have given me. I pray that I learn to not be judgemental of others as time goes on.
Thanks for letting me share.
Peace and blessings