Hello family. I hope by the time you are reading this you are fine and all is well in your life.
I thank God for another day. I am grateful to be able to share my life with you all. The ups and the downs of it. Every day is a challenge and I am hard pressed right now to get back on track. I have been struggling lately and as you already know its been a rough road to recovery for me.
I always try my best to keep it real here in my blog and on Facebook but there have been times when I just dont feel like sharing. Especially on Facebook. I’m in one of those times now. I will continue to post my lifes ups and downs here in my blog but no longer will I do that on Facebook.
I have found that social media site not to be the best place for me to keep it real. Too many lurkers. People who are not in recovery and only look to spread gossip and rumors. So that being said I am glad for the few who are subscribing to my blog. You will still be able to follow me on my journey.
Today is better than yesterday and yesterday was better than the day before that. So in essence things are getting better one day at a time.
I still haven’t figured out why I hate myself so much. Maybe hate is too strong a word. Why I do not love myself enough to deny the urges to use. I thought I was working my program to the best of my ability and then BAM. Its like everything I accomplished went right out the window.
I have fallen and am having a difficult time getting up but I do know what was working so I do know what needs to be done. My problem is consistency. How do I maintain consistency even when I don’t feel like it. My disease plays on the fact that I have never stuck to any one thing for to long. I start off gun ho and then fizzle to a grinding halt. How do I change this character defect?
I know that change doesn’t happen over night, I also know change is uncomfortable and scary. I need to learn how to work through those uncomfortable feelings and keep moving forward.
I will return to the rooms of NA again.
This will be RECOVERY PART 4.
I will never give up. I don’t care what other people think or say about my continuing to return to the scene of the crime (my relapse). This is my story, my process, my life.
I WILL RECOVER.