I thank God for allowing me to see another birthday and even more important a birthday clean. It’s only through God grace that I am clean and living his will for me. I know this and I do not take that fact for granted.
I first came into recovery in January of 2011 after a long battle with addiction. I lost of course but you couldn’t tell me that. I hung on to the bitter end and still refused to let go. I came into the rooms with the same mentality. I didn’t take suggestions, I was seeking feelings from the women, I lied and didnt believe the things people were saying. I was judgemental and as a result I kept going back out.
My relapses happened long before I actually picked up and smoked crack. They started with my attitude and then my behavior started to change. Then I started putting things before making meetings or just made excuses for not making them until I wasn’t making them at all and then I was gone. Off to the races.
This time back I made a commitment to myself and God that I would live his will for me and not my own, that I would take suggestions, and learn to listen to others who have done this successfully. That alone was a challenge because I hate people telling me what to do. But I committed myself and it has been paying off. I have not only stayed clean for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years but also for my 47th birthday this past Sunday January 20th.
This was the first time since I was a child that I didn’t use some kind of mind or mood altering substance and I am proud of myself. With God’s guidance, the Fellowship of NA and my new found network of friends I have been clean for 99 days today. I feel great.
This was the best birthday ever. I went to 2 NA functions and a group anniversary. I partied like it was 1999 and I didn’t use. Its the beginning of my new life and I am excited. I feel alive again.
Its been too damn long.
Peace and blessings.