THANKFUL

Hello and God bless you.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and I am thankful. Not for the reasons the average person is thankful but for recovery. I am so grateful to God for his mercy. I am living clean, I have a family and I have an extended family in recovery.

I love my family even though for years I didn’t show it. Due to my addiction I have done some things like stealing from them, fighting with them and being distant from them. Usually around this time of the year I would be high out of my mind and not thinking about my family. I wouldn’t call or go to be with them for the holidays. (or any other time of the year keeping it real.)

This year its different. I woke up feeling very thankful that I am alive and clean. I sent text messages to friends and family and I called my mom and aunt. I stayed on the phone for a long time too. I usually don’t like to but I did. I have to get used to talking to people on the phone. It’s one of the tools of recovery. I will work on that.

I went to a holiday marathon meeting and shared my thankfulness. I am grateful to the fellowship of NA for having meetings on holidays because they can be pretty scary and lonely sometimes. My family did not get together yesterday so the marathon meeting was a blessing. I will be with them for Christmas and I will also make a marathon meeting then too.

I am feeling really blessed to still be alive and I will not take it for granted anymore. Life is short and I have wasted enough of my life using. Today starts a new beginning, a new way of living. I will be thankful for all the blessings I have received and will receive.

Thank you for being on this journey with me.

Peace and blessings

NAM

I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER OTHERS ACTIONS

I ONLY HAVE CONTROL OVER HOW I RESPOND TO THOSE ACTIONS!

Hello and God bless you.

I thank God for everything in my life today. I am truly grateful to be alive and clean. I have been granted another chance at living a life with purpose. I no longer feel the need to be in control. The truth is I was never in control but insanely out of control.

I always thought that I had everything under control when I was active. Wow what a rude awakening. I can remember thinking I was a master manipulator, con man or whatever. Little did I know that I wasn’t. I was a pain in the ass to most, obnoxious to others and just all around fool to everyone. I thank God for opening my eyes.

Today I practice the principals of NA. I live one day at a time, take suggestions, do stepwork and make meetings everyday. I love the way I feel. It wasn’t always this way. I am learning that I have no control over certain situations and no control over other people, their actions or their responses. I do however have control over the way I respond to people and their actions.

I will not use today because someone hurts my feelings. I used to run and get high over the smallest things. Today is different. I am growing and I am proud of myself for how I am handling life on lifes terms. I just recently displayed my growth and actually realize that recovery really doesn’t equal cleantime. It’s sad but I have no control over it so I have given it up to God. I know one thing..

I WILL NOT USE OVER IT.

I guess its true some people are placed in your life just to get you to the next level. Thank you Sara for helping me get there.

Peace and blessings

NAM

GRATITUDE

Good morning and God bless you.

Today I am grateful for I am clean. It didn’t have to be this way but my higher power God saw fit to give me yet another opportunity to get my life together.

I have been struggling with staying clean and I’ve come to realize that I made recovering harder than it needed to be. I would pick and choose what suggestions I would take, I wouldn’t read the literature or do any step work. I would skip meetings because of work or any other excuse I could find not to go. I would not call my sponsor or anyone who could help me through the tough times. I wasn’t as open minded as I would have everyone think. Dishonesty was still a factor and I paid the price for all of those things by returning to active addiction time and time again.

Today is different. I have a new outlook on my recovery. Yes my recovery. I no longer look outside myself at everyone else to solve my issues. I am learning to take responsibility for my actions and responses. I am focusing on putting my recovery first and making my life revolve around my recovery. After all I am responsible for my own recovery no one else. I have been making meetings regularly and doing my step 1 work. I have been reading the literature and reaching out to people. I have been consistent and it is paying off.

I am by no means saying that I changed all of this on my own. I am no fool. I know that it is through the grace of God that I have found the strength and courage to endure. I am grateful to have a second (5th) chance to turn my life around. I will continue to live his will for me one day or hour or minute at a time. I pray for guidance and take my time waiting for it. I no longer rush through things…Well I am practicing not rushing through things, and it is working with the help of God, the fellowship and my network.

I continue to practice doing the right thing. I am happier today than I have been in a long time. I believe now that I can recover as long as I follow the simple guidelines laid out in the program of NA. I am in a fight for my life for the rest of my life. I am willing to do what ever it takes to go the distance.

Today is the beginning of a new and better life and for this I am grateful.

Peace and blessings

NAM

FAITH & GRATITUDE

Good morning and God bless you.

I am ever so grateful to be alive and clean this morning. I thank God for his guidance, courage and strength. I have faith that with him everything is possible and without him nothing is. Today I will continue to practice being grateful for the things I have and am able to do.

I am sending prayers to all affected by what they are now calling Superstorm Sandy not Hurricane Sandy. I still have not heard anything from my family out in Far Rockaway but I have faith that God is taking care of them and they are alright.

I have been making it my business to make meetings and taking the suggestions. I am tired of living in the insanity which has been my life for way too long. I know that I need to change the things I do and the way I think so I am open and willing to try another way. I feel a lot better for it to. I will continue to share honestly and listen intently. I have been reaching out to people and I will get better at it as time goes on. I still struggle with making new friends but I know that as long as I show up eventually it will become easier.

I will remember to practice gratitude and not complain about minor things and try not to complain at all. This will be my goal for today. As I am also practicing living one day at a time. Things are getting better and will continue to as long as I stay connected.

Peace and blessings

NAM

I LOVE NA

Good morning and God bless you.

I thank God for everything that is taking place in my life today. I woke feeling energized and ready to have a great day. I have been feeling like this for the last couple of days and I am truly grateful.

Not to long ago I felt just the opposite. I was feeling low, angry, tired and plain miserable. I was using again and I couldn’t stop. My life was spiraling out of control once again.

Being caught up in the grips of addiction is the most horrible feeling and causes me to act the same way I feel. I become a monster with no care or concern for anyone. I keep that up front today. I will not allow the lies to tell me anything different. When I’m using, I am losing. Period.

Being in recovery I feel great. The love and hope that I have been experiencing has helped me to finally realize that this way, the NA way, is the best way for me. I have come to terms with this and truly, truly believe that I cannot and will not make it if I decide to stray away from the fellowship.

I have finally come to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. That I can actually live a somewhat normal life. That drugs do not make me feel better but worse. That I can make it if I stay.

I will work on creating a new network of positive people who can help me and guide me towards that goal. I have made a commitment to myself and to God and I have been working hard at keeping that commitment. I know there is a better life for me and I will live that life one day at a time.

Peace and blessings

NAM

TRULY BLESSED

November 1, 2012

Good morning and God Bless You.

I thank God for waking me up clean, healthy and free from the horrors of my active addiction. I am truly grateful and feeling blessed to be where I am at in my recovery today. God has and continues to show me that by living his will and not my own that there are blessings awaiting.

First and foremost the clarity of mind. The noise in my head is starting to quiet down and the obsession to use has also. Secondly the compulsive behavior is also not as bad, slowly but surely I am starting to feel and behave differently. I can see change happening already. God has guided me and I have been working hard at following his directions.

I have also been blessed to have met someone who knows exactly what I am going through, has been there herself, is in recovery and we have so much in common. I truly believe God has sent me an angel and for that I am truly grateful.

I have a new found purpose. My faith has been renewed. I no longer am feeling useless, hopeless and worthless. My self esteem is building and I am beginning to have hope. I feel I can do this, I know there is a better life waiting for me and I can see a little light at the end of the tunnel. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I am finally feeling excited,  happy and hopeful. I never thought I would be happy again. I want to keep this feeling so I will continue to stay connected to my NA family, continue taking the suggestions and doing the work by reading the literature, making meetings and working the steps. After all that is why I am feeling like I’m feeling…

I LOVE NA

Peace and blessings

NAM

BACK 2 WORK

October 31, 2012

Hello and God bless you

Today I went back to work and it was crazy getting there. I left my house at 6:30am had to take 2 buses then walk across the Brooklyn Bridge and then take another bus but that bus never came so I walked 37 blocks to get to my job. Going home was even worse but I made it home safe and sound. All together I spent 7 hours in travel alone but God has guided me home and continues to show me how much better off I am living his will and not my own.

I’m grateful to have a job to go to and will be even more grateful when the subways are back up and running. The Gov just announced that partial subway service will resume at 6am tomorrow morning. YAY! That’s a beautiful thing.

As the devastation from Sandy continues to be revealed I begin to realize how much I take things for granted. I will practice gratitude for the blessings that I have and not complain as much about things which in reality are minor to say the least.

On another note my friend is safe and I couldn’t be more grateful. I finally spoke to her today and am very happy that I did. God has brought her into my life right when I needed someone. She understands me and I her. I thank God for crossing our paths. It’s devine intervention one day at a time.

Peace and blessings

NAM

HURRICANE SANDY II

October 29, 2012

Hello and God bless you.

Hurricane Sandy is about to hit the city, there is no subway or bus service. It is very, very windy and the rain is starting to get heavy. NYC is handling their business. The news is informative, government officials have emergency precautions in place and seem to be ahead in this storm. Of course evacuations have been put in place and of course some folks aren’t listening. I will pray for them. Looks like a nasty storm and I am safe and sound watching it on TV for now. I hope my power doesn’t go out.

As I stated no trains or buses so I am unable to make a meeting today but that doesn’t mean I am not getting a dose of recovery. I have been reading from It works How & Why and I started on Step 1 again. So I am still doing the work necessary to stay clean. I feel very good about my commitment to put my recovery first and have been doing just that. I am grateful that God has guided me to seeing that this is my season for change. I feel confident that I can do this as long as I stay connected and practice the principals in all areas of my life.

I surrender to the fact that I am powerless over my addiction and my life has become unmanageable again. I realize that in no way can I control my using, it is impossible. I have no reservation that I can use successfully any mind or mood altering substance. I understand that I will have to practice living the program for the rest of my life therefore recovery is now my life. Everything else has to come second if I am going to be able to live. If I decide to take back my will I WILL DIE. its just that simple. I look at this as my last chance to change. I will make new friends in recovery and do things that help me to move forward. I will no longer associate with the old so called friends who are still doing the same things and going nowhere.

Today is a new day and its time to live a new way.

Peace and blessings.

NAM

HURRICANE SANDY III

WOW is all I can say. Sandy is really wreaking havoc all over the city. The worst of it of course is by the coastal areas but its winds are fierce and causing problems in the inland too. We have a crane collapse on 57th St. We have a partial bldg collapse on 14th & 8th Ave. Trees are down all over the place and power outages due to transformers exploding  everywhere. I pray that all those people who were told to evacuate and didn’t are ok.

I feel grateful that I am not in affected areas. I went outside and the wind is strong and the rain is coming down sideways. I don’t have a phone right now and I have been conversating with a new friend I met on a pay phone. I will remember this day years from now when we talk about how we met. I say remember when I came outside in a hurricane just so I could call you and hear your voice. Lol. That’s better than flowers.

Waking up to widespread devastation. NYC is in a state of emergency. There are power outages all across the city, massive flooding on the streets and in the subway tunnels. As a result there is still no trains or buses running. I am stranded at home. Buildings are burning down to the ground and at least 14 deaths have been blamed on Sandy so far.

STAYING ODAAT

October 30, 2012

Hello and God bless you. Thank you for reading my blog.

Today is a sad day all across the tri-state area. Hurricane Sandy has left a trail of destruction and death. I pray for all those affected by this storm.

I feel pretty good today. I am grateful to God for waking me up clean, healthy and safe. I am a bit saddened because the subway is still not running and power is still out in Manhattan so I am unable to go to work. Yes I want to go to work. I am suffering a little from cabin fever. Lol.

Not only am I not able to go to work but I am unable to make meetings as well. I have been reading my literature and doing Step 1 work but I need to make meetings. I know that its not my fault, that I have no control over this situation and I have to deal with life on lifes terms and I will. I can’t help but miss meetings though.

I am concerned for family and friends I do not have phone service right now and it is affecting me. It helps me to see the unmanageability of my life because of my usage. The powerlessness I feel right now is a reminder of why I have to turn my life around. The damage that I caused myself and others is inexcusable. I am particularly concerned for my new friend. I have not been able to reach her since yesterday. I pray she is ok.

In the meantime in between time I will continue reading my literature and working on my Step 1 and continue praying and having faith in my higher power which I choose to call God.