5 MONTHS 12 DAYS

There is one thing more than anything else that will defeat us in our recovery; this is an attitude of indifference or intolerance toward spiritual principles.
Basic Text, p. 18

Just for today:

Just maybe the spiritual principles I hear spoken of in NA might work for me. I am willing, at least, to open my mind to the possibility.

Hello and God bless you.

Spiritual Principals- Honesty, Open mindedness and Willingness.

Today I want to share with you something I am struggling with. I will start off with a little background about me. I have ever since I can remember been afraid. Afraid of rejection, of success, of trying new things. It has been a thorn in my side for years and it still is. I would invent in my mind scenarios that would end in disaster so I would always find a way to either quit or not even try something. I used drugs not only to fit in but because I thought it helped me with self confidence. Now that I am not using my confidence in certain areas of my life is very shaky.

For a very long time I only thought about myself. I shut out the world and became a very lonely man. Relationships were never really a part of my life. I have only been in 3 serious relations in my 46 years of existence. I also have to say that my drug abuse ruined all three one way or another.

Now that I have some clean time I find myself wanting someone in my life I am tired of being alone and I want someone to love and to love me. I met someone recently who I would like to get to know better but the confidence comes and goes. I get the feeling she likes me but as a addict anyone who pays me the slightest bit of attention I start with the scenarios again. I will have us married and divorced before I even find out your name. I can sabotage things before they even get started. That’s my track record. I am so sick of doing this. Once again I am feeling scared. Scared of being rejected by this woman, scared I don’t measure up. Feelings come and go I know but I don’t know what to do.  I’ve never really been good with the so called rap. Or wooing women. Lol whatever you want to call it.

I will try to remain myself and practice spiritual principals and not paint a picture of the big I AM. I just thought I would share this with you all.

It’s about Honesty today and I am scared. There I said it.

Thank you for reading today’s blog post. Feel free to leave a comment or sign up for email updates.

Peace and blessings

NAM