115 DAYS CLEAN
Many times in our recovery, the old bugaboos will haunt us. Life may again become meaningless, monotonous, and boring.
Basic Text, p. 78
Just for today:
Ill take a break from the routine and stretch my potential to its fullest.
Hello and God Bless You.
I have to admit that I am feeling really bored with my life right now. Although I am grateful that I am clean, my life seems to be missing something. The problem is I don’t know what it is I think I am missing. I can totally relate to the Just For Today I have been feeling like this off and on for the past couple of weeks. It has been suggested that I make a gratitude list. I have done that. I shared about it and posted about it. But those feelings of emptiness and boredom still haunt me.
I have been trying to do new things. I am trying to do different things in hopes that the feelings will go away. I know that its just a feeling and it shall pass and it usually does but its been coming back more often. I know that its my disease checking in on me to see if I want to cash in my clean time. I have no desire to use and will not listen to or fall for the lies. Because that is all they are LIES.
I have been doing good and good things are happening in my life and just like clockwork my disease shows up to try and ruin it. Ever since I can remember everytime things are going good I get these negative feelings and thoughts. I begin to listen to the lies and before I know it I’ve destroyed whatever opportunity I was presented with. I am so grateful to God, the fellowship of NA, my sponsor and ny network because had it not been for all of the above and for the work I have been doing I would not have the growth to recognise how my disease it playing tricks on me. I would fall right into the trap and be right back out there using again.
Today I will concentrate on all the good things and remember that my life is not boring, It is great right now. Thanks to the grace of God. I will not fall for the lies which have ruined many opportunities in the past. I will reach out to others and continue to share my experiences in hopes that they will help others.
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Peace and Blessings