128 DAYS CLEAN
From the isolation of our addiction, we find a fellowship of people with a common bond… Our faith, strength, and hope come from people sharing their recovery…
Basic Text, p. 98
Just for today:
I will join in the bond of recovery. I will find the experience, strength, and hope I need in the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous.
Hello and God Bless You.
It’s funny how the Just for Today seems to fit so well with how I am feeling sometimes. I always find the hope and strength to put my thoughts and feelings to paper when I make the necessary connections thanks in part to the Just for Today and of course my HP God.
It took me a very long time to finally surrender. To finally admit that I was indeed powerless over my addiction and over other people and situations and thoughts that others have of me and that my life was totally unmanageable. I was so deep in denial that I didn’t even realize that I was still lying to myself. Forget about lying to others that was small potatoes compared to believing all that bullshit I was feeding myself. That same denial kept me sick for years and the lies just kept growing. If I couldn’t admit anything to myself you know I couldn’t and wouldn’t admit it to anyone else.
Once I was finally able to admit it to myself I was still in denial with others. Isolation was my only way of surviving. I had to protect my secrets at all cost. It was a very sad and lonely existence. I suffered trying to keep my secrets hidden and became sicker and sicker by the day. Stuffing my true feelings of pain, heartache, loneliness, sadness, guilt, shame, embarrassment, uselessness, worthlessness and all the other feelings made me very angry and not being capable of talking about it was helping to seal my coffin. I was a dead man walking. It was only a matter of time before I would have pulled the trigger and ended it all.
God knew that I was ready to give up and that I was coming to the end of my rope and had a different plan for me. I am grateful beyond words for his devine intervention. God led me to the rooms. I wasn’t open and honest at first because of fear but as time went on and I became willing to change I am finally beginning to feel some relief. I feel the love in the rooms and with my online family that I so desperately have been seeking. That love that has been missing for so long. I am finally a part of something. I will do what is necessary to maintain my recovery and these feelings. I have found common ground in the fellowship of NA and I am forever grateful.
I KNOW THAT WHAT I CAN’T DO ALONE WE CAN DO TOGETHER.
TODAY I AM NOT ALONE!
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Peace and Blessings