95 DAYS CLEAN
Self-pity is one of the most destructive of defects; it will drain us of all positive energy.
Basic Text, p. 80
Just for today:
I will be grateful for the hope NA has given me. I will cultivate my recovery and stop cultivating self-pity..
As long as we could feel sorry for ourselves and blame someone else for our troubles, we didnt have to accept the consequences of our actions; believing ourselves powerless to change, we didnt have to accept the need for change. Using this survival mechanism kept us from entering recovery and led us closer, day by day, to self-destruction. Self-pity is a tool of our disease;
The above quote from the basic text says it all. I remember being locked in self pity for a long time. I wallowed in it. I felt useless and helpless. I blamed every and anybody for my problems. I spent all day everyday feeling sorry for myself and making excuses for my poor pitiful life. Unable to see anyway out of my situation I continued to spiral out of control. Self pity is a killer. It is used very skillfully by my addiction to keep me from seeing that there is a way out. Self pity has played a major part in my having low self esteem. Not feeling worthy was and sometimes still is a problem.
I am no where near as bad as I used to be. I am growing and learning about myself and the old bad habits that kept me locked in addiction. I have my days when I find myself feeling low and pity tries to invade. I have learned to monitor my thoughts and feelings. When I find negative thoughts creeping in I switch to positive thoughts. I make gratitude list and read out loud what I am grateful for. I listen to positive podcast from Joel Osteen and others. I talk about those feelings instead of stuffing them. I refuse to allow my feelings to dictate my life and my actions. I’ve done that for way too long.
Today I use my tools of recovery because I choose not to dwell in that negative space. If I don’t use my tools I will be in trouble.
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Peace and Blessings