We felt different…. Only after surrender are we able to overcome the alienation of addiction.
Basic Text, p. 22

Just for today: I will let go of my uniqueness and embrace the principles of recovery I have in common with so many others. My hardships do not exclude me from recovery; rather, they draw me into it.
Hello and God Bless You.

You couldn’t tell me that I wasn’t unique when I was active. I just knew that my story was so outrageous that nobody could ever understand. I allowed that pattern of thinking to lock me into a whoa is me frame of mind. I was ashamed and embarrassed about my fall from the top of the game for a long time. (For those that do not know my story you can read the PG13 version on my group page The Struggle) I felt like this shit happens to my custies not me. I just could not accept that I had fell victim to my own product. Rule Numero Uno was never get high on your own supply but I was a hard head. I thought I was different. Shit I’m a superhero I could never get hooked. Boy was I wrong. I got hooked, line and sinker and before long I was gone. Jails and institutions couldn’t even save my ass. I would come home and BAM be right back.

I always gravitate to negativity and fast money and because I thought I was in control I always took that same ass whipping the drugs gave me thinking “yea you won this round but next time you won’t.” I didn’t understand addiction the way I do now so I was locked into the insanity for years. The viscous cycle that we are all to familiar with. Insanity wasn’t a passing fad that shit moved in and took over. In the end I was ready to die. I just couldn’t continue living like that.

When I came into the rooms of NA I was beat up and still thought I was different until I started listening. I began to realize that there were others who struggled and went through the same things that I did. I began to have a little hope. I went back out a couple of times not realizing how sneaky my addiction is.

Today I have a higher power and I am learning more and more about my disease, triggers and pitfalls. I have accepted the fact that I am an addict and this is a life long battle to the death. The battle royale. I’m cool with that. I know a place that I can go everyday and talk about all the hurt, pain, suffering….all that and a bag of chips ahoy and be welcomed with a hug and be told to keep coming back. WOW. I LOVE NA.


Thank you for reading today’s blog.

As always feel free to comment below, join my blog or sign up for email notifications.

Peace and Blessings.


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