Just for today:
I am a part of the life around me. I will practice my program to strengthen my connection to my world.
Our disease isolated us… Hostile, resentful, self-centered, and self-seeking, we cut ourselves off from the outside world.
Basic Text, p. 4
Hello and God Bless You.
I can remember those days like they were yesterday. In the beginning I used to be a fun person, always down to go to parties, movies, bowling, out to eat or wherever. I remember we used to plan out what we was gonna do that weekend. I used to hangout all the time. As time went on and my drug of choice switched from:
to Alcohol and Weed
to Alcohol, Weed and Coke
to Alcohol, Weed, Coke and Free Basing
to Alcohol, Weed, Coke, Free Basing and Crack
to JUST CRACK and the occasional beer or two.
to INSANITY AND BEYOND.
I stopped hanging out, stopped going to the movies, bowling, out to eat etc. I stop talking to people, truth is I burned so many bridges nobody wanted anything to do with me. So my sick thinking was Fuck them, who needs them. The streets became my home. Drugs and drug dealers were my only friends.
I used to live, I lived to use I lost all hope, I didn’t care if I lived or died. I didn’t care about people either unless I felt I could manipulate you out of money to buy more drugs or con you out of drugs you already had or if I was really strung out its robbery time. I had no shame to my game and would hurt you if I had too. I also took risks that didn’t pay off and got myself hurt. I also lost my freedom on a couple of occasions. Life was not a fucking bowl of cherries. Anyway in the end I was all alone. I only had one friend in the whole world and she is still my best friend to this day. MOCA I love you baby more than you will ever know.
Today I have a brand new outlook on life. I have a new passion to become a better person. I am just sick and tired of being alone. I had enough of isolating myself, of killing myself. I’ve done a lot of damage and I am looking forward to fixing what’s broke and making new friends. I know now that this is a process that will take some time but I am willing to wait. One day at a time I will get better. I have a lot of work to do especially when it comes to my temper WHOA BOY. I have faith that I can combat that as well with the guidance and strength given to me from God. I now know that through God all things are possible.
I am not where I want to be, but I am no where near WHAT I used to be.
Thanks to Gods grace, my sponsor, my home group and my network in person and online.
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Peace and Blessings.
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