Just for today:
I will be a student of recovery. I will welcome challenges, confident in what Ive learned and eager to share it with others.
This is a program for learning.
Basic Text, p. 16

Hello and God Bless You

I came into recovery on January 22, 2011. I was sick and tired of the way my life was going and wanted to do something about it. I had hit rock bottom and wanted to die. I didn’t think that I could ever stop using and even when I came into the rooms still did not believe it. As a result of my lack of faith I relapsed several times (3X) I was stuck between two worlds. On one hand I wanted to change my life and stop the madness and on the other I wanted to change but didn’t want to stop using. I would get a little clean time and then right back out there. After a while I had to ask myself what I wanted, either stay and get clean or go and stay high. The choice was easy because I really wanted to change and stay clean.

I can look back to 1 year ago today and say wow I really thought that I was so smart. I thought that I knew it all and couldn’t nobody tell me anything. Today however I realize that I didn’t know diddly squat back then but today I know a little more than I did last year. One thing I can say about my relapses is that they taught me very valuable lessons. I learned some of my triggers, I learned about my disease and how cunning and sneaky and underhanded and manipulative it is. I learned to put more trust in God. I learned that I needed to have faith in myself and the process. I learned that through God all things are possible. I learned that no matter what my disease says to me its all a lie. I cannot do just one. Being slick and thinking no one will know is a lie because I will know. If I open the door to use just once I will stay out there for a while runnin and gunnin until I am tore down again. I learned that there are a lot of people just like me who really care. I learned that meeting makers make it. I learned that I cannot put anything in front of my recovery because the minute I stop working my recovery my relapse starts working me. I learned that I do care and can be compassionate and helpful to others. I learned that I am not the big bad person I always thought I was. I learned that drugs are not the problem or the solution. I learned how to share what I am going through honestly. I learned to be open to suggestions and I learned how to apply the principles to my everyday life. I also learned not to be so impatient with progress, that this is a process and it doesn’t happen overnight.  I learned a whole lot in 1 year.

I have to admit that some of that I already knew but just wasn’t applying any of it. Today I apply what I am learning in recovery to my everyday life and it feels great. I have to admit that I never thought it would work for me but that’s how my addict thinking works. I always think it wont work before I give it a chance. Today I don’t let that bullshit get in my way. I think positive and when I catch myself thinking negative I take a step back or a second to breathe and pray. I thank God for everything that I am experiencing today because before I had a spiritual awakening I was stuck in the vicious cycle of addiction and relapses. I am truly grateful for this learning experience.



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