61 DAYS CLEAN
Just for today: I want to keep in touch with the way I feel in living this life Ive been given. At the end of this day, I will take a brief, simple inventory.
Continuing to take a personal inventory means that we form a habit of looking at ourselves, our actions, our attitudes, and our relationships on a regular basis.
Basic Text, p. 42
Hello and God Bless You.
I remember when I first came into the rooms of NA and I heard someone share and one thing they said that really stuck in my mind. The person sharing said I have to be monitored. I was like cool I need that too. I didn’t realize what he meant at the time, I was thinking like when I was locked up. I was thinking I would have to give urine and have a sign in sheet to prove I was at the meeting and I was gonna get a counselor, you know monitored. So my diseased thinking I was already trying to figure how I was gonna get over.
Well when I found out there was no piss test, sign ins or counselors I was kind of upset. I mean afterall I need to be monitored I could never stay clean by myself. Then they said get a sponsor and I was ok a sponsor just another name for a counselor. I got one and I automatically started my dishonest bullshit. Just like I did with my P.O. and anybody else that ever tried to guide me. Always thinking I am slicker than oil. Little did I know I was only fooling myself.
Now here we are a year later and my understanding of the program is much deeper. I had to fall a couple of times in order for me to realize that I need to be monitored meant taking my own personal inventory daily. Making sure that I live by the principles and live Gods will and not mines. That I have to continue to check my attitudes and behaviors on a minute by minute basis. That I need to think before I speak or act. That if I don’t understand something to ask a older more experienced person who can guide me. Like my sponsor that is what they are for, not to monitor me but to guide me. I have learned that I am responsible for my recovery not my sponsor, the group or anyone else. I have learned that I don’t have to be on the 4th or the 10th Step to do a inventory of myself. God is great and I love living his will today because I am learning so much about recovery and the disease of addiction but most importantly about myself.
Today and everyday I will continue to take my inventory. Call it a NECK CHECK.
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Peace and Blessings